Church Monkey

Someone who is not focused when they should be, very scatter brained when they should be cool calm and collected.

Imagine bringing a monkey to church.

George drove from dealership to dealership like an excited little church monkey, instead of taking time to update his notes.

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Cleaning the church

Slang term used to describe the act of a conservative woman masturbating. Generally associated with lonely and bored housewives of good nature and standing with god.

Mary: "Where's Janice?, I haven't heard from her all day and her Husband has been out of town for a few days."

Delores: "Oh, she's probably cleaning the church since she hasn't made love for a few days"

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Church video

When you take a video of yourself masturbating and send it to someone, sometimes in a restroom at a church.

Jenna: I heard you made a church video for John is it true??
Christina: No! I did it in my bathroom at home!
Jenna: That's still a church video!

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God Church

A line famously said by now dead Jake Paul. I would kill him but you can't kill something that's already dead. This dumb shit thought that god church would be a good cover up with the fact that he didnt have anythin to rhyme with merch. Then a line said by god of England 'England is my city' sound smarter thant Jake's dumb shit with his god church merch. Nick is my daddy.

Pewdiepie: I JSUT DROPPED SOME NEW MERCH AND ITS SELLING LIKE A GOD CHURCH.

Pewdiepie made is sound better

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Jap that Church

To ruin something really good at your own sacrifice. To drive your metaphorical plane into that metaphorical church.

Jerry: "Dude I hooked up with Sally last night while she was drunk and now her and Ben are broken up!"

Matt: "Way to Jap that Church."

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church key

a bottle opener

Hey Joe, where'd you leave the church key. This ain't no twist off, y' know.

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Church Hat

A gaudy hat worn to church. Frequently incorporate sequins and/or bows. Generally have matching gloves. Most commonly seen on the heads of middle-aged+ black women in the South on Sundays or at any other formal occasion.

When she sang at the inauguration of Barack Obama, Aretha wore her church hat.