Trying on Sweaters

The act of power dating in search of the perfect 'fit'. Often initiated via online dating (a.k.a. database dating), Trying on Sweaters often involves long waits in line, multiple exchanges and buyers remorse. Sometimes you try on a sweater and everything seems fine, but then you realize that it doesn't quite fit. Even though the label said "Wash and Wear" it acted like it was dry clean only and after the spin cycle It became downright clingy.

Thanks to four active profiles on Match, OK Cupid, Timber and eHarmony she was Trying on Sweaters sometimes three or four times a day. Last night she didn't even want a sweater but it was on sale so she took it home anyway.

sweater bags

breasts in a sweater.

Don't sweat her sweater bags, 'cause her face is busted.

Dog Sweater

The metaphorical garment placed on the body when at the point of a night of drinking and searching for loose women the standards are lowered substantially.

Hey man, we aren't having anyluck picking up chicks tonight; lets put on the Dog Sweater and take home a few nasties.

sweater scuds

Large pointy breasts, resembling scud missiles

Look how far out those big tits are. Them's a couple of sweater scuds!

Sweater Brains

Human thought organs possessed by human females which allow them to solve problems for themselves and which cause many problems for human males; most notably an inability to maintain eye contact.

Some might refer to these organs, and the wily intuition they seem to possess, as Chesticles

Her career rise has been meteoric because she has displayed a fine mind and even keener sweater brains.

vagina sweater

Abundance of pubic hair.

Wow sandy hasn't shaved in months, she's got a real vagina sweater going on down there.

Gravy sweater

Gravy Sweater, N. (Grey-vee swë tur) One who sweats gravy from the vajieen

That misrable cow was such a corpulant tragedy that were you brave enough to venture forth betwixt her undulating thighs and pendulus belly you would discover such a slovenly unkempt quagmire of hairy smegmated folds that the mucosal excreations we're remeniscent of brown gravy one could only describe the horrific seen as being a Gravy Sweater.