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A turtle test is when you're not sure if you need to fart or shit, so you relax your butthole and push a little, and if a turtle's head peeks out, you clench your ass so you don't shit yourself. That is a "positive" turtle test. A "negative" is when a fart comes out.
Dude, pull over, I've gotta take a shit.
No way Bro, can't you just fart or something?
I just did a turtle test Dude, and it was positive. Pull over before I shit in your car.
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When a person is not sure whether they want to date a girl they have been hanging out with. You perform the Girlfriend test: Plan on hanging out with her and before you hang out with her that day, masturbate. If you still want to hang out with her afterwards she passes the girlfriend test. If you don't want to hang out with her anymore then it is strictly hormonal driven.
I wanted to know if this girl was girlfriend material so i did the girlfriend test.
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The magic wand that can make a man dissappear
Pregnant Girl:James, I took a pregnancy test and it says I'm pregnant.
James:I'm leaving you
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A P.E test where you get with 2 other people 2 of them check your almost death I mean mistakes and then you run in a "straight" line and hope you don't die in the middle of the court while you barely ran 5 laps.
The Gym Teacher: "The Pacer Test is about to begin kids!"
You: Might as well start digging my grave
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The process of, after having a few drinks, hugging a plump girl who you are trying to hook up with and stealthily attempting to clap your hands. If you can clap your hands, you're good to go. If a girl fails the clap test, RUN.
Jesse: "I'm gonna gonna go for it!"
Joe: "Did you do the clap test?"
Jesse: "Nope, but I'm gonna go for it anyway."
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A straightforward test carried out in nightclubs to ensure the chick you're chatting up is a chick and not a chick with a dick.
The test is performed simply by grabbing the subject by the groin to see whether or not you cop for a pair of bollocks. The test was famously carried out by Mick 'Crocodile' Dundee in the film of the same name, and is thus named after him.
My mate: "I really fancy that Hilary Swank"
Me: "You've got to be joking. She'd never pass the dundee test!"
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The mythical component of a sexually transmitted disease (STD) test that a male would expect when visiting an STD clinic. Involves the inserting of a small 'umbrella-like' swab into the urethra of the penis, and the subsequent 'opening' of this swab before its removal with a sample.
Despite the lack of any solid evidence for the existence of the umbrella test, mere mention of the phrase will leave most of the male population physically shaken and emotionally vulnerable, due to the painful connotations the procedure implies.
After the previous night, Martin knew that he'd probably picked up an unhealthy cocktail of STDs; but there was simply no way he could face the umbrella test at the clinic.
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