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AP Biology represents a syndrome of symptoms discussed below.
It is synonymous with "the cure for procrastination."
The days leading to the test are packed with struggle, cynicism, and apathy, but with a good teacher, students can make it. They experience symptoms akin to bacterial meningitis as their brain struggles to process the sheer quantity of information. By the end of the year, however, only the willful and skillful remain.
AP Condition 5 ~ Final Month (2 chapters/day reviewed)
Ap Condition 4 ~ Final 2 Weeks (4 chapters reviewed per day)
AP Condition 3 ~ Final Week (10 chapters per day)
AP Condition 2 ~ Last 3 Days (intravenous red bull injection)
AP Condition 1 ~ AP Test Day
The day after:
At this point, students begin to feel lightheaded. Many may slip into brief periods of unconsciousness as their brain begins to populate the 200-300 petabytes of neuronal storage and memories associated with biology with new cells.
Neurons exit G0 and start dividing once more. Soon, the students will be able to remember their names, their family member's names, and for some even their address.
The subsequent years of healing and therapy will be hard, but students will always know it was worth it. None are procrastinators any longer. AP Biology has either cured them or applied Darwinian principles to their existence.
We will no longer say AP Biology is like drowning. We will say drowning is like AP Biology.
~Gregorious Maximus
*To a student that's gone into shock as his brain has run out of memory from AP Biology*
"Take a chill pill Potter."
~Gregorious Maximus
*When discussing Photosynthesis and the carbon fixation involving RuBP Carboxylase*
"Rubisco is a street term. Only gangsters call it Rubisco. To you, it is R-U-B-P Carboxylase."
~Gregorious Maximus
*When a teacher-observer from administration asks why the children are testing in the dark*
"Tell'er __REDACTED__ "
__REDACTED__ *Robotically *: "The rods within one's eyes dynamically adjust levels of phosphorylated rhodopsin which is a slow process. By shutting the lights off, we can no longer cheat but can barely see our papers."
Gregorious Maximus: "Very good. You will one day be worthy of the title 'Biologist'".
*To students whose work has failed to meet the rigorous standards of format and quality anticipated by the class*
Gregorious Maximus: "This, this is fecal matter!
*To a group of students which turned in differing data in their lab reports*
Gregorious Maximus:
*Breaks Meter Stick In Half* "You have 1 minute to tell me who's data is the most valid."
Students: *Panicking noises*
*Disclaimer: Gregorious Maximus bears no similarities to any real people. He is a transcended being representing everyone's favorite, most loved, most treasured, and hardest teacher.*
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A disease known to manifest itself the day before an AP exam, allowing the victim to stay home and study.
On tuesday, the day before the AP exam, about a third of my calc class was absent. I guess they all came down with AP Flu.
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A college credit class taken by high school students during the latter years (junior or senior, usually). The class reviews a set number of pre-defined topics by the College Board. The test is formulated by a very devious and malevolent group of individuals who masquerade under the common name Educational Testing Service, or ETS. The sole purpose of this group is to devise a monstrous 3-hour examination composed of two sections, each worth 50% of the test-taker's grade.
Section I - 90 minutes
75 Multiple Choice Questions
Section II - 95 minutes
Part A - 55 minutes
- 3 problems
Part B - 40 minutes
- 2 essay questions
- 1 chemical reactions question
Each free response question will normally be composed of 5-7 subquestions in the form of 1)a, 1)b, 1)c, 1)d, 1)e... Each subquestion will be worded in a cruelly confusing manner and require the test taker to scramble frantically through his/her sheet of common chemical equations before, upon realizing that the equation is either not listed or discovering that he/she doesn't know how to use the equation, bursting into inconsolable tears. Studies show that that this is a common reaction. Stay calm, smile at the proctor, pick up your pencil, and write THIS IS SPARTA across the available space.
What NOT to write on the AP Chemistry Exam
Johnny was a Chemist's son
But Johnny is no more
What Johnny thought was H2O
Was H2SO4
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Really going crazy or nuts over or about something.
Dan is going ape shit about how cool his new car is. Or - Dan went ape shit when he found out his wife left him.
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While most people think this class is designed to teach advanced history to ambitious high school sophomores, it was actually designed as an intricate form of assisted suicide.
Students enrolled in AP world (or any AP class) will learn lots and lots of stuff that you already knew from the previous 10 years of schooling, but you will learn it in a different format. Meaning notes. Lots of notes.
Also you will want to die every night at 1am when you're only halfway through the 40-page chapter and you can't stop because you already have a disgusting C- average and you are an AP student for a reason and you want A's.
Also you will stop doing all your other classes' homework because you can only see your AP world grade, so now you have C's in everything! Yay!
By the time it's over, you will be burnt out. But never fear - next year is AP US history.......
Ken: "Hey, Carrie, wanna hang out?"
Carrie: "I'd like to, but I have an AP World test tomorrow and it has three essays that I have to write outlines for as well as studying five 30-page chapters for the actual test part. So I can't."
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an AP class taken by most Mexicans who already know Spanish and take this class to get an automatic 5 on the AP exam.
Carlos: "Hey Juanita, what'd you get on the AP Spanish AP test?"
Juanita: "I got a 5... My parents were so proud"
Carlos: "Me too! jajajaja"
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A term that comes up on auto correct when you attempt to put in the word "Spaghetti" on an Iphone
Hey sweetheat can you make speghetti (ape ghetto) for diinner tonight?
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