Random
Source Code
Random
Can mean either MODERN DAY GOLDEN RULE or MEDICAL DOCTOR/DENTIST GOLDEN RULE. Illustrates the degraded/depraved state of the human psyche in the self-centered dog-eat-dog world of the 21st Century.
Modern Day Golden Rule:
(1) "Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you"... in other words, CLOBBER EVERYONE AROUND YOU INTO A SHAPELESS PULP SO THAT THEY CAN'T "GET" YOU FIRST! (Never mind that those other hapless mortals may not have had any thought/intention whatsoever of harming you... why take the chance???)
(2) "Do unto others IF they have done unto you"... in other words, never do anything nice or helpful for anyone unless you get PAID to do it, or unless THEY DO SOMETHING FOR YOU IN RETURN. Nunna this "charity/volunteer" or "out of the goodness of your heart" bullcrap!
(3) "Do unto others AS they have done unto you"... in other words, TAKE REVENGE! Whup their sorry butts twice as hard as they hurt you (even if they never intentionally meant to offend), or sue the pants off 'em in court!
Medical Doctor/Dentist Golden Rule: "Do unto other SO THAT THEY ARE FORCED to do unto you"... in other words, INTENTIONALLY CAUSE A HEALTH CRISIS WITH YOUR CLIENTS, so that they will then be compelled to pay you hefty fat fees to "cure" them!! Perform needless/destructive surgery, give them medicine that you know they will react allergically to, pick around on their teeth to create new cavities if none are already present, and so on.
I try very hard to just behave myself, keep a low profile, and not get sick if I can possibly help it --- there are too many human jackals out there who practice the M.D. Golden Rule.
18👍 2👎
For every respectable looking girl who seems to have class/not be a slut/or is a complete dumbass, there's always a douchebag boyfriend in the picture who brainwashes her to like him because apparently that's what all girls like to look for in a guy these days, instead of respectable guys without gelled hair, rhinestone-encrusted shirts, souped-up mid 90's Toyota's and have no job and bum off their mothas.
I was walking through the mall with my friends, and I saw this girl who looked down to earth, then my friend told me to look left and I realized there was a douchebag boyfriend rule involved.Damn.
76👍 16👎
If one is unable to reasonably understand a statement uttered by someone, the listener says 'What?'.
If, a 2nd time, either due to inaudibility or a heavy, drunken, southern accent (most commonly Kaintucky), the listener is again prevented from comprehending said statement, the listener is again permitted to respond with 'What?' (or, the 2nd time only, listener may substitute 'Huh?').
BUT, if after a 3rd repeat of the same comment by the same auditor, the listener is yet unable to grasp the meaning of several strung-together, nonsensical ramblings, he/she, as pronounced by the three-what rule, is not allowed to say 'What?' again. It is rude. This time, the listener, as deemed appropriate by situation and/or circumstance, must either:
1)reply quietly with 'mmm-hmmm', accompanied by a very slight head nod.
or
2)clearly say 'NO', and shuffle off in the other direction.
Southerner: Ah'm lookin for the pawn (or porn?) shop.
Listener: What?
Southerner: Ah sayed, ah'm lookin for that there pawn (or porn??) shop.
Listner: Huh?
Southerner: Friend. This is a simple question. Where is the pawn (or porn???) shop in this here cowpoke?
Listner (as prescribed by three-what rule): No. <shuffles away disjointly>
44👍 8👎
The 12 Hour Rule applies to any sporting event where the male athlete(s) jack off exactly 12 hours before their competition. It is proven to raise testosterone levels and enhance performance for any sport.
It is important to not mastrubate too close to your competition, as this will not allow for enough time for your body to restore its testosterone supply. Too early, however, and it will have no effect on your performance.
It is not yet proven if this works on females yet. If anybody would like to test and contribute, be my guest.
Coach: "Okay guys, big race tomorrow. Everybody go home, eat a healthy dinner, and follow the 12 hour rule."
31👍 5👎
The rule which states, as long as it was under 6 thrusts, it doesn't count as sex.
"Woah Jimmy, I'm not ready for sex so keep it under six pumps! Remember the six pump rule"
"Did you take her virginity?" "Nah man, it was only five pumps! Stupid six pump rule!"
32👍 5👎
A way to determine the winner and loser of a physical fight. This way of thought is supported/originated by the Diaz brothers, who are MMA fighters. According to the Diaz brothers, the loser of a fight is the person who looks more fucked up afterwards, regardless of the judges' decision. This way of thought was derived from growing up on the mean streets of Stockton, CA.
In January 2010, Nate Diaz lost a decision fight to Grey Maynard. However, Maynard looked more "fucked up" at the end of the fight. Under the Unified Rules of Stockton, Diaz was the victor.
89👍 20👎