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To commit forcible theft of sperm.
After Jane handcuffed John to the bed she preceded to jack him off in order to extract sperm. When he climaxed she put the sperm in a small container, got dressed, and left. John was sperm jacked!
77👍 34👎
The degradation of your ability to judge the attractiveness of the opposite sex after you have not had sex for an extended period of time. Related to Beer goggles. But with a lack of sex as the modifying agent.
Dude 1 : Hey she's kinda cute.
Dude 2 : Dude! she's a bipedal cow with a stache. I know it's been awhile, but man, take off the sperm goggles.
24👍 8👎
the first shot of semen that goes farther than all the rest
I hit her in the eye with some varsity sperm from all the way across the room!
46👍 18👎
A boy (not a man), whose sole contribution to the upbringing of his offspring can be repaid by sending him a jizz soaked hankie and a note bearing the words "Now I owe you nothing"(an excellent quote from Salvadore Dali).
1. Adam, my sperm donor, is so lame that he gave the State a false employer name right before christmas.
2. Robert, a boy in a girlie man body, is the avatar of all narcissistic, anhedonic, joyless sperm donors.
3. Elliott, who seemed like a decent sort of fellow, was living a lie every time he called himself a 'father'. In fact, given his many failures to live up to the most minimal definition of the word, the best he could hope for is the ignominious apellation "sperm donor".
70👍 33👎
A fun place to go to when you're broke and/or need to get off. They let you borrow their free porn so that you can rub one out into a cup, AND you get paid! Make sure you don't get a magazine that has "water damage"
You get $50 per visit, but the thing is you have to go at least once a week and go through a pretty thorough screening process. And after 20 or so successful ejaculates, you get $60 per visit.
Getting paid to jerk off. What a deal! Sign me up.
204👍 105👎
Sperm Castles are constructed by bored/jobless whores who suck off multiple guys a day and spit their loads into the individual compartments of an ice tray. They then freeze the sperm and create Sperm Cubes. Sperm Cubes are then used by the whore to construct miniature castles which are either gifted to friends or sold. Prices vary on design intricacy and also based on how many different types of ethnicity are represented in the castle's semen makeup. The greater the variety in semen, the more expensive the castle goes for on the market.
The Sperm Castle Foundation is in the process of of constructing a life-size sperm castle hotel, where guests can pay a premium rate per night. The hotel is said to have (9) sperm cube bars, (144) sperm cube igloos, and multiple sperm luge rides. It is the foundation's hope to break the records set by the original Ice Hotel in Jukkasjärvi, Sweden.
"Where is that whore?"
"She's at home making sperm castles."
"Why didn't Dillon come out tonight?"
"He's helping Cassie build a sperm castle."
"Hey, where are you going with my load?"
*Spit* "I am collecting it for my sperm castle."
15👍 4👎