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Taking a shit with the lights off
"I had to take a vampire shit". All the lights were out in the washroom
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A vampiric female that can live up to 300 years. This particular breed sucks the life out of a human not by blood, rather by sperm. Despite their age, their aging process is relative to that of humans (i.e. a 200 year old Norwegian Vampire will look like a 60 year old woman). Norwegian Vampires can only birth females, which is why no one has ever seen a male Norwegian Vampire.
When they bite, they don't go for the neck as a traditional vampire does. Instead, she might seduce you into your hotel room or roofie your drink to bring you to her own home, where she gives you the best blow job of your life, undoubtedly due to her centuries of experience. In the midst of the action, she lowers her head and aims for the scrotum, maybe telling you to "relax" as she leans in to massage your testacles with her tongue. Then, in a matter of seconds, you feel an intense pain in your genitals, and you pull back only to realize that her locked fangs are penetrating your scrotum, causing your entire ball sac to tear off from the sudden jerk. She spits both testacles into her hands and inserts them into each nostril, forcefully sucking the sperm dry out of each one with a prolonged breath in order to live another day. As you scream on the floor in pain, she eats the pruned remainder of what were once testes in one gulp, and may also swallow the scrotum as well depending on her taste.
Johnny: "Wow, Miss Gilbert from across the street is hot. Isn't she single?"
Johnny's friend: "Hey, before you get any ideas, I heard Matt talking about a Norwegian Vampire living nearby before he went missing. They found his neutered body last night in the ditch two blocks down."
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Emo kids who insist they're actually vampires. They usually claim to have some nonspecific medical condition which forces them to drink blood and dislike sunlight, but provides none of the benefits (or drawbacks) of mythical vampires. Some claim to be psychic vampires, having to draw on "life energy" to sustain themselves.
They've been around ever since Anne Rice, but increased after Vampire: The Masquerade came out, and have exploded since the release of Twilight.
Hot Topic is infested with vampire posers.
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A devious sexual act where a girl tricks a man into having sex with her while she's on her period, then later sucks her own blood off his dick.
Bro, my bitch Dez tricked me into having sex with her while she was spouting blood, then she gave me a Dirty Vampire!
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Someone who insists that the vampire and plot in a film conform to Bram Stoker's Dracula or "Nosferatu".
Sally: Ooooo I just LUV Edward and Twilight and omg I just luv vampires they are so sexy.
Bertram: Edward is a glitter fag, he's not a vampire. Bela Legosi, Klaus Kinski, now those guys are real vampires.
Sally: Bertram, you're a dick. Don't be such a Vampire Snob.
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N. Any electronic device which continues to use ridiculous amounts of electricity even when turned off. Often results in unusually high electric bills.
Electric Bill Recipient: "Holy crap! Look at this unusually high electricity bill!"
Significant Other: "Yeah, it's those stupid vampire electronics."
---Even when turned off, the average computer uses about 65 watts of electricity; the colon on a microwave's display uses about 3 watts.---
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A killer band from a killer city (New York), who fuse together a seemingly unheard of combination of instruments to pretty much make there own genre: "The Upper West Side Soweto".
"Dude the debut album of Vampire Weekend is coming out in 3 days"
"Lets go wait in line"
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