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dead beat dad

A loosly coined phrase in an attempt to cast all blame on the divorce, kids problems, ex white trash...I mean wifes problems, etc. Of course the ex never had anything to do with any of the marriage problems. Was put through school by the "dead beat dad" and forgot what she ate or wiped her ass with while she was doing it. The phrase is used in place of "your dad" or "your father" when addressing the children. This is an attempt to cast away all blame on "Mom of the year" and cast all misfortune on "The dead beat dad". Using laws written in the 1920's and 1930's, perfect moms are able to go to court, get a sizable portion of "dead beat dads" paycheck, give him the honor of being able to see his kids every other weekend, or at the last minute when mama's "going out", then re-enforce to the kids with cute little comments like, "Too bad your dad wont spend more time with you", or "I know, I know. Your dad never has any money". This along with many other factors leaves the child with the impression that almighty mom is perfect and dead beat dad, is just that, a dead beat. I mean really, how hard is it to program a 3 year old when you have them 90% of the time and 15 years to work on them. As time progresses, mom of the year usually ends up being 45 years old, looking like hammered dog shit, 6 kids from 3 different dads (all of course are dead beats). She is drunk by 10am on scotch, but thats ok because she has a nice business that she should really incorporate, because all the checks comming in between child support and alimony is a pain in the ass to keep track of. Of course all her problems are associated with the ex's, kids are hooked on drugs, daily gang bangs, and drink like fishes, but hey, they learned from the best huh?! As her tax writeoffs...I mean income producers...I mean kids get older, this is all they know, so the cycle repeats itself. Of course its all the dead beat dads fault, because the "sorry bastard" never spent time with his kids, and if he wanted to see them more he should have fought in court for the right!

Kid#1 Hey pal, why dont you ever talk about your dad?
Kid#2 My mom says he's a dead beat dad and he only wants to see me every now and then.
Kid#1 It must be right if your mom says so huh?
Kid#2 Yea, must be. He never has any money and lives in a shitty apartment anyway.
Kid#1 Doesnt he drive like 3 hours to get you though?
Kid#2 Yea
Kid#1 Man, I wish my dad would spend 10 minutes with me. By the way, You sure have a lot of cool shit. iPod, PS3, clothes, skateboard, cell phone, and scooter.
Kid#2 Yea, my mom is so cool huh?

by Mr. Response February 16, 2006

130๐Ÿ‘ 181๐Ÿ‘Ž


Dead Seal Crawl

1. (n) The act of pinning a woman flat on her stomach with your weight on her legs and entering her from the back. The resulting action of her trying to escape is very similar (by sight and sound) to a seal trying to crawl away for its life as it barks.

2. (v) A vicious manner of humiliating a woman, as she barks and drags her pinned legs behind her.

1. I gave her the dead seal crawl.

2. She dead seal crawled halfway acros the room before she got free.

by Xx.xX June 19, 2008

6๐Ÿ‘ 4๐Ÿ‘Ž


dead toenail babies

midget sized cat eaten toenail that live under your couch cushion

Don't look under the cushion.
Yeah, there are probably dead toenail babies under there

by Super Joe The Frenchy looking guy May 17, 2008

6๐Ÿ‘ 4๐Ÿ‘Ž


dead sea scroll

A turd that 'scribbles' on the bowl as it goes down... leaving indecipherable markings that clearly convey a message to those who follow along, even if a literal interpretation escapes them.

An underlying implication is that it's a massively smelly example that will surely 'kill' the sea to which it is no-doubt heading.

"Dude, someone just left a dead sea scroll in the can on our floor... I'd suggest using the one on the 5th floor unless you're ready to tackle the next chapter in sanskrit..."

by jamesohoh7@txic May 3, 2010

7๐Ÿ‘ 3๐Ÿ‘Ž


Fucked Lucille dead

A gal that has multiple orgasm so intense that sometimes she faints after her final climax.

After writhing about and hollering like a wild animal she suddenly fell limp and lay silent beneath me. I became concerned because I didn't know if I'd fucked Lucille dead, or just unconscious.

by DW007 September 18, 2012

5๐Ÿ‘ 3๐Ÿ‘Ž


one dead soldier

Nickname for a bottle, often liquor but can be soda or anything else, that has been fully releived of its contents

"ahhh... One dead soldier *hic!* Hand me another Schlitz, willya?"

by Charles Hazelwood January 23, 2005

5๐Ÿ‘ 3๐Ÿ‘Ž


Mu'fuggin Dead Dog

1.a dog that's lost it's zest for life
2.a neutered dog
3.a former casanova who can no longer get any women.

John: Tim used to get all the girls, but he cant seem to get any these days.

Jerry: Yea, Tim's a Mu'fuggin Dead Dog man

by scribblemefree April 3, 2009

5๐Ÿ‘ 3๐Ÿ‘Ž