Bum Crumpets

Larger than standard dry poo chunks that stick to your anus hairs when you do not wipe properly

My arse is full of bum crumpets because the toilet paper was like tracing paper and i was too scared to wipe properly

porn crumpet

Originates from the band name Psychedelic Porn Crumpets. There are two likely definitions:

(a) Describes a pornographic or sexy crumpet; a crumpet that looks very appetizing
(b) A porn star. Crumpet referring to a sexy person (usually a woman)

(a) Hey Jerry can you pass me that porn crumpet?
(b) Mate, is that the porn crumpet from "Revenge of the Tentacles 3"?

krinkle your crumpet

Masturbating underwater. Usually referring to underwater female-masturbation, but not exclusive to females.

Jane spent so long krinkling her crumpet in the bath her cunt was pruney.

Don't krinkle your crumpets in the bath! I have to take showers in that tub!!!

fuck crumpet

Female: The ugly bitch everyone fucks at the local fett house but no one ever admits to fucking, aka. the bitch that is hella eeew but is a great fuck

A man with hella gut an balding with a two hair cheek mole but swings that fat Meat Bat so good you let him Digg any day.

Who that? Bro back the fuck up off my “Kool Aid” dog that’s my Fuck Crumpet ”.

Omg girl the nigga right there is sleepy girls fuck crumpet. The Hershey let’s him put pecker to puss any time cuz he hung