Pettin’ the Turtle

A situation when one takes an incomplete shit, leaving a protruding “turtle head” behind. The shitter then must pet the lodged turtle head approximately 70 times with toilet paper or moist wipes, shitter’s choice of course.

Mary was pettin’ the turtle for a solid hour after the lunch special at Benihana.

my turtles

Used as a pick-up line to refer to ones own pubic hair(s). pubs bush exotic turtle hairy

Would you like to go look at my turtles, they are pretty exotic.

Condom Turtle

A visible erection through the condom.

I leaned over, in an attempt to hide my condom turtle.

turtle peepee

when you put just the tip in

person 1: “turtle peepee?”
person 2: “geheheggerrrrgrggr YES!”

Land turtle

Madelyn is a land turtle not a fish

Omg look at Madelyn she is a land turtle.

wet turtle

When you must fart and suspect it's only gas but instead a wet blob of poop blasts into your to trousers, the poop was hard on the inside but had a shield of poo juice around it, the whole poop is yellow or green so it looks like a liquified turtle 🐢 which is rather upsetting and embarrassing...

Man in Restaurant: 'Hey babe look out imma rip a silent but violent right quick while no one's looking.'
Woman in Restaurant: 'Ok bae let er rip!'
Man in Restaurant: 'ah fuck babe now I gotta run home and change pants I blasted a wet turtle and it's messy!'

Turtle time

The immediate need of a bathroom for the purpose of expelling a bowl movement which has already begun it's exit. Resembling a turtle head poking out. Reference Austin Powers as Fat Bastard in "the spy who shagged me"

I been needing to poop but can't wait any longer! It's Turtle time!