Austin Peay State University

Located in Clarksville, Tennessee, off of the banks of the Cumberland River (i.e. Nashville's sewer), Austin Peay State University (APSU) is a four year public university to attend when one has just enough money to join the exodus out of Memphis, Tennessee, but not quite enough to escape Tennessee itself. APSU retains an environment where music, art, the humanities, and academic dishonesty (in "dem tuff classes") are greatly appreciated as STEM departments at APSU dramatically lower their standards so that students cannot fail on campus. A diploma from APSU will definitely make you stand out well—like an un-robbed house in Memphis. However, good luck anywhere else on Earth! Let's go Peay!

I want to attend Austin Peay State University so that I can walk alone on an empty, silent, freezing, windy campus, smell the Cumberland River's sewage, listen to the highways' traffic, eat at the extremely limited dining facilities on campus, succeed in my classes that do not prepare me for anything, and get an APSU diploma that will only land me a minimum wage job for the rest of my life. Let's go Peay!

7👍 3👎

Get Ass University (GAU)

Get Ass University was founded in July of 2022. With campus’ in Malvern, PA and Avalon, NJ, students can apply to the Undergraduate, Graduate, or Doctorate program. Head of schools P. Murtagh and T. Flynn founded the institution to band together a brotherhood of men who slay ass in the Graduate and Doctorate schools, and teach worthy applicants in the undergraduate program that ways.

S. Getsie was the first accepted student at Get Ass University (GAU), and quickly moved from the graduate school to the doctorate program.

Regent University School of Law

An unranked conservative Christian "law school," founded by ultra-crazy televangelist Pat Robertson, that charges students tens of thousands of dollars a year to tell them all about how the law is really based on Jesus. They are so desperate for legitimacy that they wrote a rambling entry on Urban Dictionary talking about how great they are, inadvertently showing the caliber of their future students--after all, if you make your decision about law school based on an Urban Dictionary entry, you deserve to go to Regent.

Joe: I'm going to Regent University School of Law. The professors are the same quality as Virginia, the people are more laid back than at Yale, the people aren't as viciously competitive like at Duke, and it's fifteen minutes from the beach.

Tim: Seriously? How dumb are you? Do you realize that Regent is an unranked, festering, neoconservative craphole that provides less than a 50% chance of actually getting a job as a lawyer upon graduation?

Sally: Not only that, but you do realize it was founded by Pat Robertson, right? You know, the guy who blamed the Haiti earthquake on a pact they made with the devil, and agreed with Jerry Falwell that pagans, gays, feminists, and abortion supporters were responsible for 9-11?

Joe: Ha! Nah, I'm just messing with you guys. Seriously, why would anyone go to Regent?

88👍 74👎

Minnesota State University, Mankato

A sausagefest masquerading as a "University" in the small town of Mankato, MN. This is primarily a party school for the kin folk in the upper midwest and elsewhere. High rate of STD's and alcohol poisoning. Sucks in sports and sucks in academics. The school mascot is a bull named "Stomper". A fucking BULL! I say that's BULL-SHIT! Fuck you, Stomper!

Brian: Hey Travis, did you get accepted in the University of Minnesota, Twin Cities?
Travis: Nah, man, they rejected me coz my SAT's were shit
Brian: Looks like your only option is Minnesota State University, Mankato.
Travis: That fucking sucks.

21👍 13👎

Meaning of life, the universe, and everything

42

Uncultured swine: what’s the meaning of life, the universe, and everything?

Cultured person: 42

9👍 1👎

paralell universe reverse vampire

Similar to the traditional reverse vampire, the PURV must only be out during sunlight and dies in the dark. Sadely, the PURV does not have super-human strength or any form of charismatic animal magnatism. The PURV is has below average strength and is afraid of women or men depending the the PURV's gender.

Let's go out around midnight, so there is no chance of running into a paralell universe reverse vampire.

15👍 9👎

Loyola University New Orleans

One of the best party schools in the country.
#5 in Lots of Hard Liquor
#10 in Party Schools
#20 in Lots of Beer

I went to Loyola University New Orleans so I can fuck all the drunk sluts that went there

72👍 63👎