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The most powerful man in the world save one, the person who defeated him in mortal combat upon the slopes of mount olympus. The Incarnate of Zues, king of the gods, known only as Souther, managed to dodge one of Chuck Norris'
roundhouse kicks, and punched him in the face, defeating him. However even though it was mortal combat, Chuck Norris still lives, and Souther was so impressed with his god-fighting abilities that he retired from fighting, and became a latin teacher.
(There is also some speculation that this "Souther" was Chuck Norris in disguise and moved so fast that it apeared to observers that there were two people.)
Student: "my teacher fought Chuck Norris and won"
Uninformed Student: "No, nobody can beat Chuck Norris"
Student: "no, for real, they trained at the same dojo, and my teacher beat him in a spar"
Uninformed Student: "no way! He'd have to be like Zeus or something"
*Uninformed Student explodes because he is simultaniously hit by a lightening bolt and Chuck Norris, who greatly respects the only man to ever defeat him*
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the physical embodiment of awesome
hi you look chuck norris today dude
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an awesome, kickass, bad mothafucka. Some facts:
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters. And when I say knit, I mean kick. And when I say sweaters, I mean babies.
Before the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks in his closet and under his bed for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is 10 feet tall, weighs 2 tons, breathes fire, could eat a hammer, and can take a shotgun blast standing.
There is no creationism. There is no evolution. There are only the species that Chuck Norris has allowed to survive.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparallelled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was complete, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and stole his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, admits he should have seen it coming and couldn't stay mad for long. The now play poker every tuesday.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. That has nothing do do with his ancestry. The man ate a whole indian.
Chuck Norris has a word for people he puts in a coma--"lucky."
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Chuck Norris fun facts 2
Chuck Norris doesn't work his jobs pay him for just applying.
Chuck Norris was once George Bush...but now he's Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only man capable of masturbating and running a marathon at the same time.
Chuck Norris created the first computer using the bones of his enemies.
Chuck Norris invented the lightbulb.
Chuck norris invented the question mark.
JK rowling was originally going to be a porn star but due to her not being able to handle Chuck Norris she soon became an author inspired by Norris' naked body thus making Harry Potter.
Due to Chuck Norris' awesome roundhosue kicks he wasn't allowed to play in terminator 3 instead he turned himself into a woman just to star in it.
If Chuck was to ever discover this website he would roundhouse kick the earth thus ending humanity.
During the Cold War nuclear missles were actually launched at America Due to a swift Roundhouse kick Chuck Norris redirected them to Japan thus creating Godzilla!
Waldo isn't hiding he's in a coma after saying Chuck Norris three times in the mirror.
Only Chuck Norris can masturbate to Chuck Norris.
French fries were invented since Chuck Norris got tired of potatoe wedges.
After shaving his pubic hairs Chuck Norris then threw them into the furnace thus making the first werewolf.
Chuck Norris REALLY killed Kenny!
When Carlos Mencia made a joke about Chuck Norris he went from white to mexican due to a radioactive roundhouse kick.
When Lynyrd Skynyrd made the song Free Bird he was actually singing about the time Chuck Norris decided not to Roundhosue kick him.
Chuck Norris doesn't get married he just ensures that death will do them apart.
All that remains was formed After Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the rest of the band.
Chuck Norris IS the first airplane.
Chuck Norris wnats YOU to join the army!
Chuck Norris is the reason why Uncle Sam doesn't exist!
If everyone was Chuck Norris the world would no longer exist!
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The one man God fears. Said to have once won a game of checkers in 1 move.He can also shoot down a plane with his finger, yelling "Bang"
Person 1: Dude! was that just a UFO??
Person 2: No. It was Chuck Norris.
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chuck norris's penis is a fist
chuck norris does not communicate via cellphones, the sheer sound of his voice would penetrate your ear faster than his roundhouse abilities to your face...and you would be instantly deaf. Instead, chuck norris trains owls to carry letters across the world like in Harry Potter. These owls are trained in his backyard.
One day during a training session at norris academy, an owl shit on norris as he was flying overhead, Norris teleported into the air beside the owl, looked him in the eye, and the bird exploded in mid flight. From that day on, Norris's owls know not to fuck around.
chuck norris flexes so fast, that you can hear the sound of a whip being cracked from miles away. This is because he is awesome and no science can prove this theory wrong.
When chuck norris has an orgasm, a thunderstorm instantly occurs in the Latin America.
Chuck norris does not speak to animals, he looks at them, and they either explode or implode, given their surroundings.
Chuck norris once won a long jump competition reaching 157 Meteres running with his eyes closed. Later that day he thought he'd go for a second gold medal and entered in the pole vaulting competition. He won by 396 Meters, catapolting with his penis instead of a pole, because as you know, chuck norris member is a FIST, A MIGHTY STRONG FIST.
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Time traveller/Biblical character. His presence is documented in Revelations of the bible.
"And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called faithful and true - Chuck Norris, and in the righteousness he doth judge and make war.
His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew but he himself Chuck Norris....
And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron (his penis)... and his awesome beard" Revelations 19.
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