josiah jefferson

a name for someone who is your first love, the one you thought you thought you'd spend your life with. the one who you wanted to be with forever, but also the one who left. yes with good reason, but damn do you miss them. its been over a year and no relationship you go into feels the same. they stay on your mind constantly, and you hope to pull them back because you know they're still in love with you too. you will never let this person go.

Josiah Jefferson, my first love, my soulmate, and also my biggest regret.

Thomas Jefferson's Declaration of Dependence

An extremely rare and expensive pre-workout known for causing buff bro Chads to vape and paddle spank other bro Chads in between sets. Consumption typically results in workout gear consisting of double layered petticoats with lace ruffles for sweat absorption. Post workout protein replenishment while using is always cornmeal mush and raw halibut.

Historically, it was given to members of English parliament on the verge of abandoning British rule. Side effects included wig theft, debauchery of other Parliament members wives, violent masturbation using raw cod oils as lubricant, and long periods of blackout followed by awakening naked in the tents of rival Native American tribes.

Chad Bro # 1: "Hey bro, did you see Tom at Planet Fitness spanking everyone in that colonist outfit?"

Chad Bro # 2: "Bro, you didn't hear? He got a hold of that Thomas Jefferson's Declaration of Dependence!"

Chad Bro # 1: "Fuck yah bro! I hope he got Earl Grey flavor."

Chad Bro # 2: "Nah bro, he's on that cornmeal mackerel ."