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a funny insult which could be used when someone is/was being a dick, usually in a non-serious manner (also see turgle for further details).
mike: *steals jenny's phone*
jenny: give it back you turd burglar
An individual who has the annoying habit of making a scene outside the stall while you’re trying pop a deuce in order to get you to hurry up. Turd Burglars show up typical when you’re in public bathroom in a busy location and someone very impatient shows up and decides to interrupt your shitting session.
>You: answering nature’s call in a public bathroom like a normal person
> Turd burglar: “ Hurry up mister I need to go, I NEED TO GO!!!” X 50 on loop until you finish pushing your slimy turd
Someone who simply steals your poop. You could be taking a nice dump, not knowing what’s hiding in your shower, or under your sink… as soon as you stand up from the toilet and turn away for a second… your turd will be gone because the turd burglar took it. You will not catch them… nor see them.. unless they’re over 34 years of age. They are either assigned to a person at the age of 6, or placed into a house when built, and will steal everyone’s turds that ever lives there.
Frank - “Yo… I just took a shit, and when I turned around to flush… it wasn’t there”
Marlo- “oh, it was probably the turd burglar
When you let one go and it's bending when it's coming out. it's like it doesn't know any better because it's just a turd. -V.O.
That guy in the box at the end of the street is a turd bender.
An exceptionally girthy line of a sortable drug
“Man, don’t give me that small ass line when you just cut yourself a monkey turd!”
“I think my heart might stop if I snort that monkey turd…”
When you're taking a dump and your butt flexes forcing the poop to retract into your butthole causing the sensation of sandpaper going up your butt.
"Man I hate it when I have a sandy turd flex (STF) in the bathroom"
The act of using Tik Tok while using the toilet. Usually for an inordinate amount of time.
"You're taking a lotta time in there...are you Tik Turding??!"