kick ass and take names

to behave roughly and violently (from the image of an overly punitive authority figure in the military or police

All he wanted to do with his position was kick ass and take names.

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can I take a rain check?

means: that you do not want to accept an offer or suggestion but you might accept it at another time.

Annie: i was just calling to see if you wanted to have lunch tomorrow.
MAry: oh, I'm Sorry I have a meeting at that time, can I take a rain check?....

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Taking matters into your own hands

Masturbating
Choking the chicken
Beating the bishop
Slap boxing the one-eyed champ
Holding your sausage hostage
Squeezing the cream from the flesh twinkie
Having a date with Pam and her five friends
Having a tug-o-war with the cyclops
"the five finger knuckle shuffle on the one-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed, custard-chucking, salty yogurt slinger."

"Mary rejecting him for sex once again, Larry had to take matters into his own hands."

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why don't you take a seat

The dreaded words that Chris Hansen will tell you when you go into the house hoping to hook up with an underage girl.

I walked into the house
"hey did you bring the stuff I asked for?"
"Smirnoff Ice and strawberry condoms, you bet."
"ok let me just get changed"
I go into the kitchen and see Chris Hansen
"why don't you take a seat"

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trying to take a shit without pissing

(n.) An expression used to describe a task which is nearly impossible to do while avoiding its by-products or consequences.

You want to go to a strip club without spending a lot of cash? Man, that's like trying to take a shit without pissing.

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take my talents to South Beach

Euphemism for masturbate. Coined by LeBron James during his "The Decision" broadcast on July 8, 2010. Definition as suggested by Glenn Jamieson of Perth, Australia in Bill Simmons's ESPN blog, 7/9/10.

Person A: What are you doing tomorrow?
Person B: I'm going to sleep in, take my talents to South Beach, go to work, and head to the bars.

LeBron James: Um, in this fall -- man, this is very tough -- um, in this fall I'm going to take my talents to South Beach and, um, join the Miami Heat.

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Taking the long horse for a short walk

Generally, this term is used by those who need to release urine. The symbolism of "long horse" and "short walk" are up to the user's interpretation.

John: You know, though our conversation is enthralling, I admit I must taking the long horse for a short walk. In other words, I must urinate, as you may know from the saying's entry on Urban Dictionary.
Jane: Ok.

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