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To go on a pointless drive.
Specifically against all recommended advice and especially when feeling unwell.
"Despite there being a global pandemic, and all medical advice and governmental regulation (which I helped to write) saying to the contrary, I had to go to Barnard Castle.
This trip needlessly put in danger anybody I may inadvertently have come across due to my families recent exposure to Covid-19. I needlessly took this drive because I recklessly drove the 270miles from London to Durham and had to check whether I was safe to take the pointless 270 mile journey home again."
A lie so obviously false no one could possibly believe it.
"The NHS is perfectly safe in tory hands"
I think you should take the "barnard castle eye test" mate
When you are potentially blind and drive a ~60 mile round trip between Durham and Barnard Castle with your family to validate that you can see properly
That Coronavirus was a stinker - better risk my family with the old Barnard Castle Eye Test before I drive back to London
Getting caught out by your partner for using outlandish excuses.
Totally caught Ben Barnard-castling last night when he tried to bluff his way out of why he didn’t have dinner ready. His excuse was downright pathetic!
Lachlan Barnard is a 0 iq beta male who won't even smoke a pack in front of the mrs
fuck you Lachlan Barnard
When a man takes a shit on another man, slaps it, and then licks up them mess after whilst both participants are wearing clogs
Man 1: Hey babe, wanna do a jack barnard?
Man 2: Sure, but let me put down a towel first because last time you stained the walls