Rural Dictionary

Chicago

Logically, the most important city on the planet Earth, without any competition whatsoever, besides maybe from London. Seeing that New York is an overgrown superhigh-density monstropolis, and Los Angeles being just a sprawling collection of coincidentally nearby suburbs, Chicago also holds claim to the title "The only real city in the United States".

Living Rooms are Front room, Bathrooms are Washrooms, Athletic Shoes are Gym Shoes (there's nothing sneaky about your "sneakers"), Soft Drinks = Pop, and the transit system (The El or "L"), unlike its counterparts in New York and London, actually makes sense. Despite what CNN would like you to think, Chicago is NOT actually the most dangerous city in the Universe, nor is it the murder capital of the United States. Unlike New York, its ugly cousin, housing is reasonably affordable.

Chicago is also home to the most skilled drivers in North America. With its underground streets (wacker drive), habitual (but also skilled) red light runners, and 80 mph (130 km/h) unposted minimum speeds on all expressways (especially the Eisenhower), absolutely impeccable driving skills are required of all residents and visitors. Traffic Jams are almost always caused by drivers that mistakenly view speed limits as maximum speed suggestions, and also by those who swerve dangerously and ungracefully between multiple lanes in a single merge (drivers from wisconsin and minnesota, respectively).

If one says, "Wanna come with?" or "Where's that at?" you are to interpret that as "Do you want to come with me?", and "Where is that?" but you will never say "Wanna come with me?" because that would be weird, ending sentences with prepositions is perfectly acceptable.

Pedestrians are demigods, and have right-of-way in all scenarios. Period. Attempting to run over a Chicago pedestrian would be about as dangerous as attempting to collide head-on with a 18-wheeler semi truck. "Pedestrian rage" is far more prevalent than "road rage", and jaywalking and crosswalk are both equally unknown terms to Chicagoans.

Macy's is regarded as the invasive alien force that ended the amazing quality and customer service Chicago called "Marshall Field's".

Chicagoans find "New York Style Pizza" to resemble oversized pancakes, as opposed to true "Chicago style deep-dish pizza", which, like Marshall Fields, is far superior.

And finally, do not dare criticize a Chicagoans pronunciation of their hometown. There are two acceptable pronunciations (depending on your neighborhood):

Chicago (Shih-kAAH-go) --the "aah" sound is far more pronounced than the east/west coast A. most frequent and stereotypical pronunciation, used by most residents and burbies close to the city.

or
Chicago (Shih-KAW-guh), less common, found only in some areas of the northside (pronounced norsside), and more frequently among older residents.

Chicagoans will also claim to have a "neutral" and "normal" accent. Do not challenge that claim.

Visitor to Chicago: "Do you ever go to Iowa?"
Chicagoan: "No. That would be silly."

by chicago992 August 24, 2009

101👍 49👎

Chicago

Okay, I'm sick of all these false definitions from these out-of-town losers. First of all, the whites here aren't racist, what a stereotype from losers from cities who wish they were as big as Chicago. No, not everybody here is arrogant and mean. A lot of people here though are in a hurry. There was this idiot New Yorker here telling us to keep our dirty stuff and what not. The Hudson river in New York is a pretty polluted river so shut up. The schools here are very good actually, the magnet schools that is, the neighborhood schools can very. Chicago and New York city are the food capitols of the world. They both have great ethnic food, and there's a lot of it. Although, Chicago I bet is better with Mexican food. The architecture in Chicago for everyday life is pretty good. New York and L.A. are pretty expensive. Chicago can get very expensive too, but were not that big of con artists. For a matter of fact, we have a great police force, so shut up you out-of-town people. Our lake is pretty bad, but it's not really because of us. Our friends to the North like to dump sewage into it. Chicago is a very multi-ethnic town, so no, there is not a lot of "rednecks" here. Only the hip-hop/ghetto kids are usually the racist ones(not saying all). Yeah, the South side is pretty ugly, but there are some pretty parts. You people honestly expect everything to be perfect. EVERY CITY HAS IT'S UGLY PARTS! I bet the negative people who call Chicago "shit-cago" have only been here on the weekend or in college. Our sports teams are okay, sometimes they can be great, sometimes ok, and sometimes horrible. Chicago is a busy people because, WE WORK. Not like some lazy fuckers on the web site. So shut up already, you have to live here to define Chicago, not visit it and say how awful it was. It's a different part of the U.S., people usually get uncomfortable in other parts of the U.S. This country is like a lot of different countries. Our politics are alright, were not Conservatives here, we are mostly liberal. We have great orchestras. CPS I'll admit isn't that great,(except the magnet schools of course). You know what's great, if your a poor immigrant(and poor of course), you can do good in school and work hard, you will get far. Chicago schools give you a chance. In the summer it's flaming hot, and the winter is bone-chilling(not as much anymore). Chicago is a great place also because it has the Lake(no not for swimming and fishing only for you idiots out there). There is A LOT OF WATER. We have a great water-purification system so we have a ton of water to drink. Just stop saying negative things about Chicago. As I say again, every fucking city has it's problems. You just pick on our problems. I don't go to New York, Boston, San Fransisco, Los Angeles, Dallas, Houston, Indianapolis etc. and say how bad of a city they are and pick on their problems (Unlike some total fucking idiots on this page, you know who you are). You offend me I'll disprove you and offend you back. I do not see a lot of rednecks here. Most of the city is from immigrant ancestry. SO FUCK YOU. All cities should be respected and not bashed by some fucking out of towners.

If you down this page, you better fucking e-mail me why and say why. You better have lived here for a while. You better be
pretty smart, or I can conclude your an idiot.

We are a great city. Fuck you negative people.
Don't make fun of Chicago unless you e-mail me a great reason and have lived here for a while.

by Michael Orlowski May 16, 2007

177👍 92👎