Random
Source Code
Random
A language that only really intelligent people know how to speak correctly.
That person speaks English correctly! Wow, how smart!
1936👍 978👎
A. The main language spoken in the British Isles, the USA, Canada and Australia.
B. A person who comes from England. There are 4 main types of English person:
1. The Posh Nob
The steroetypical english person who died out in the 1800s. Typically seen as well spoken, wearing a bowler hat and moustache, and swiping away poor people with his cane.
2. The Farmer
Typical of most rural places in England. Normally an overweight middle-aged man wearing dirty overalls and a straw hat. Most common phrases are "Ooo-ar!" and any swearword concievable. Not as gentle as they look.
3. The Chav
A growing breed of English person. Loud, aggressive, obsessed with their looks and becoming a 'gangsta'. Normal IQ is about 31. Reproduces at an alarming rate.
4. The Non-English English Person
That asian bloke who runs the Off-Licence.
For any American readers there is an easy way to tell the difference between the English, Irish, Scottish and Welsh. This is vital if you wish to tour the UK in one piece:
1. Irish people get drunk and fight each other.
2. English people get drunk and shag each other.
3. Welsh people get drunk and shag sheep.
4. Scottish people get drunk and fight each other. Then they sober up and continue to fight each other.
English Type 1. "I say ol' chap, that's just not on - what what?"
English Type 2. "'Ere, I 'eard them fucking Polish are movin' down ar way . . ."
English Type 3. "Yerwot M8?! Come over 'er and say that yer fuckin' wanker!"
English Type 4. The non-American version of Apu from the Simpsons.
148👍 68👎
to paraphrase from Pulp Fiction:
Sammy L. Jackson: "Hey brad, where you from?"
Brad:"What?"
SLJ: "What? hmm, do they speak english in what?"
B: "What?"
SLJ:"english, muthafucka, do uoi speak it?"
B: "What?"
SLJ: "Say 'what' again.." brandishes weapon
B: "What?"
SLJ: shoots B in arm.
561👍 286👎
1. A quirky little langauge that you wont have a chance of understanding unless you jump in with both feet. English often makes little sense when anylised but is certainly fun none the less, and which by some ungodly reason managed to spread to pretty much most of the world.
2. An even quirkier group of people that can do things downright eccentric, flamboyant or outragous and still maintain their dignity. A group of people that have ministries not departments, tea not coffie and an accent renouned in most of the world. An englishman has a natural born ability of self depreciation, a complex sense of humour (with a 'u'), and a brilliant cricket team (just dont tell the australians that). The english are also rather renouned for complaining about the weather or lack-there-of.
1. It's not color, its colour, and they're not cookies, they're biscuits!
2. A: Oh my gosh is'nt the weather just awefull
B: 'isnt'?, use proper english sir.
B: Oh so sorry, but we still won the cricket
A: So we did, how absolutly spiffing!
B: Oh do pass the tea
A: There you go, biscuits?
153👍 74👎
The best thing about the English is that we're not bad at understatement.
"That multiple orgasm was quite nice actually."
53👍 21👎
A language hardly anyone can speak correctly.
"Here in America where we speak English people like to vocalise their opinions, nowhatimsayin..."
"Pardon? Vocalise? That means to make sounds without language, you know, like parrots and babies".
"Really?"
"Yeah. Did you mean 'give voice to' or something like that?".
"Dunno. Maybe. You got a dictionary?"
"I think you mean 'do I have a dictionary', why yes, I have. I will now get it."
"Ooooh, I'm so excited, I can't wait, no really I can't wait, bye".
39👍 16👎
Someone or somthing originating from England. A small island in western europe, this island is also shared by wales, and scotland.
Many stereotypes are related back to the english. Such as wearing big top hats, speaking in a posh or stuck up accent, being rich, being agressive and moody and living in castles. These are all bullshit. I'm english and I'd love to be one rich motherfucker. All I am is a middleclass open minded student who has nothing against anyone. In the 'ye olde times' we did happen to gangrape most of the world (about 3/4 to be precise) but back then everyone was trying to do the exact same, we were just better. This makes many people angry, such as the Scottish, the Americans aaaand hell every other country in the world really (apart from the ones whoses asses we saved).
So please learn from this guys, we english are not all football hooligans, nor are we all Lords and Ladies of Yorkshire, the majority of us are just nice, friendy people who are activley seeking to make the world a better place.
Apart from Tony Blair, do not gauge us by his actions. Hes a cunt. So's Gordon Brown.
Stereoytpical English Gentleman - Well hello young master Blake, should you not be studying for your big scripture test you young scallywag you? Heyo do not tither, here is a pittance now be on your way.
Stereostypical English Thug - OI PRIIICK. GIZZA 50p YA DICK'EAD I WELL GOSTA MAKE A FONE CALL TO MAH MUM ARE SUMMINK'. FUCKIN@ FOREIGNAAHS RAAAH.
Actual English man - Alright mate.
147👍 77👎