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A phrase used when someone wants to make something seem less offensive. Most of the time it just makes them sound like an asshole.
Person 1: "no offence" but you are fat and lazy...
Person 2: yeah, well "no offense" but this is why your mom doesn't love you....
No offence, often said before or after a rude sentence. Basically, saying no offence doesn't help the matter at all.
Tom: Dude, no offence but, you're really weird
Jake: Thanks dude :(
No offence is said when you say something that is offensive, so you say 'no offence'.
You are really ugly, no offence.
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The greatest insult ever written:
No offense bro but you are the ugliest motherfucker I have ever seen. If I didn't know any better I'd assume your mom was a titty waitress at Hooters, got pregnant, was fired for her slump appearance, then couldn't afford an abortion so she had the local kids try and whack her bulging fetus like a piñata.
Only you survived and that's how you ended up with such a disfigured face. Either that or you got baptized with scolding hot coffee. I bet if a blind kid felt your face he'd be asking why there's a pizza on this camel's ass.
shits disgusting bro, get it sorted or at least wear a bucket over your head or something.
Peace.
Forum user: Am I ugly? Picture included
Forum troll: No offence bro...
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The more common phrase, "no offence" is used when you don't want to offend them. But if you are purposely wanting to offend them you say, "yes offence."
Your kind of being cranky today, yes offence.
When not living up to the more or less formalized agreements for collaboration within a collaborating group, thereby causing some small amount of pain for all collaborators. The implied penance is buying or baking cake or similar goodies for the entire group.
In software: a cakeable offence could be committing a breaking change, causing tests not to pass, or projects not to compile
Often seen in in play by female receptionists when a man arrives at the desk with the intention of engaging in an appropriate and innocent busness-like interaction.
She exaggeratedy places the palm of her hand on her chin and her elbow on the desk blatantly drawing attention to the act of her covering her cleavage from view with her forearm.
Frequently accompanied by chewing or staring with a raised eyebrow and one side of the mouth curled up in dusgust.
Usually carried out by insecure harpies with skin like the armpit on a Hell's Angel's beaten leather jacket.
Not to be confused with:
The Cleavage Defence.
Justin: "Hi, I'm here to see. . .errr"
Receptionist: Chew, chew, chew, 'siiiiighhhhhh. . .'
Justin: ". . . err, your CEO. I'm errr, a VP at Intel Labs."
Receptionist: "Have a seat then. 'Sigh'. . . "
Joseph: "Haha Justin, you just got totally busted checking out her rack!"
Justin: "No way man! She totally wrong-footed me with The Cleavage offence. No really. She so did dude!!"
Joseph: "Phhhttt. Sure. whatever."
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