Phonics Monkey

The Phonics Monkey from that one episode of South Park where Cartman misspelled CHAIR in a spelling bee. When Cartman tried to get help from the phonics monkey, it just started beating off behind its drumbset.

A consumer report included the growing number of returns of the infamous reading product, the Phonics Monkey, which just turns out to be a degenerate species of bonobo chimp.

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Hooked on phonics

A program used by children to learn how to read. It is commonly used to describe a person who cannot read or pronounce words correctly. Alternatively, it can be used to insult a person who doesn't read well.

I don't know how to pronounce this (fucks the word up horribly). You know I'm hooked on phonics.

Jane: reads from a history book out loud in class, but stumbles through the reading.
Classmate: This bitch needs to be hooked on phonics.

hooked on phonics

eh gratte prograyme thaat hellepede mei gette tou sekknd grayde verri eezilie. momiei aynd dadddiei r verri prowde ove mei beiycuz iey haav immprooved ay lotte!

houkkd oun fonnikz wourkd fuore mei!

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e-phonics

The shortening or blatant misspelling of words in order to appear cool on the internet when really it comes across as ignorant.

Example of e-phonics in action:

Thatcalichick: OMG tht b0y is teh hottness.

Dizzybroad: O Rly? Do you want to sex0r him?

Thatcalichick: Ys Rly. W00T!

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Phonic Boom

The rash (over the last several years) of misspellings, misuses and mispronunciations of every-day words, especially on the bottom of the screen "tickers" on news channels, and the sad fact of acceptance of these mistakes.

Mispronounce-SupposEDly. NOT- supposively, supposubly,supposofly, etc..

Misuse of words-Indigenous instead of indigent

Misspellings-TendONitis, not tendINitis.
AdvisOR, not advisER.

This could also lend itself to beginning sentences with "and" or "but".

Mike-I'm going down to the Tigers game tonight.

Dave-Better leave early, supposively there's new contruction on 94.

Mike-Dude, you mean supposEDly. These damn phonic booms are becoming much too frequent.

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hooked on phonics

when a large group is currently tripping on perscription drugs or various pills.

person A: "where was everyone last night?"
person B: "awhhh bro we were all so hooked on phonics it wasn't even real."

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hooked on phonics

According to Karkat Vantas in his 2012 smash hit single Karkalicious, this refers to those whom Strider's beats are best suited for.

Strider's beats are best suited for trolls hooked on phonics.

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