Rural Dictionary

school

An institution originally noncompulsory, now a forced hellhole where otherwise reasonably intelligent people are forced to go for 14 years.

It instills in them a great hatred of what they otherwise would not despise; for example, many children who hate history don't actually hate the Civil War. They just hate that they're being forced to memorize names and dates. If they were left to their own devices, they would probably end up knowing the basics about the Civil War without having to spend pointless hours proving to some mindless beaurocrat that they know what they're talking about.

An institution that takes too long to not do enough. An institution that makes people believe that it is the only way anyone will ever learn anything or meet anyone. Apparently the real world and libraries and the Internet are not valid places of learning or places to socialize. Nope, you have to go with all the other inmates in an environment where you get no respect at all from dipshits with a special piece of paper that says they know how to humiliate you.

Pavlov's dogs, but teenagers.

A place where they're so freaking retarded they can't just make school noncompulsory. If it were noncompulsory, after a while everyone would get bored with playing video games and wander in to school to go to the chemistry lab where a chemist would show them how to do what they wanted to do.

A place where people assume you're incapable of just picking up Dickens on your own, so they have to force you to read Oliver Twist NOW so you'll hate classic literature all your life.

A place where well-meaning people destroy creativity.

School is not learning. People hate school, not a^2+b^2=c^2. They hate having to wake up early after doing homework late, having to go to a place where they have no free will and come home to where it's just reinforced by their parents.

School creates a huge inferiority complex and denies us our status as humans so corporations come in and promise us the chance to feel something intense if we just buy their snake oil. A chance to be respected if we buy their shoes, wear their wristbands, bring our mp3 players around in our $300 backpacks specially designed for the $800 bike we ride around so we can complain when we go through a puddle and splash our overpriced jeans made by abused children in India.

School is hell.

Student: Mr. Smith, when was the last time you needed to know the population density of Finland?

Teacher: IF YOU DON'T LEARN THIS POINTLESS SHIT EVEN MOST FINNS PROBABLY DON'T KNOW, YOU'LL NEVER GO ON TO A REALLY EXPENSIVE SCHOOL TO IMPRESS ANOTHER PROFESSOR, AND THEN GET A PIECE OF PAPER TO IMPRESS ANOTHER BEAUROCRAT!

Student:... Fuck this, I'm going to go carve wood.

Teacher: GET BACK HERE! DETENTION!

10 years later: ...He attributes his massive success to skipping school so he could practice woodcarving, which when coupled with his love of music led him to carve flutes. Now 26, Mr. Student is doing what he loves and living within his means. What a shame the rest of us are brainwashed fucks. This is Anchorman, XYA News.

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I am always ready to learn, I am never ready to go to school.

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Eric, damn it, you failed your chemistry test! You'll die of lung cancer now!

... But Dad, I want to be a poet...

SHUT UP, ERIC! You're going to fail at life and never get married or have kids or do anything because YOU FAILED HIGH SCHOOL CHEMISTRY!

Dad, do you remember any of your high school chemistry?

Yeah, I remember all of it and it's what's helped me get this bullshit cubicle job. Now go get on your bike and go to school.

by Eric Greenfeld May 27, 2006

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