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It's happened to you, no doubt.
You are somewhere public, trying to complete a simple task. Perhaps you are eating in a Dennys. Perhaps you are buying something at Costco. Perhaps you are just driving along on the highway. Then it happens:
Some stupid moron causes a problem. They put their trivial life ahead of your own existence, and as a result they move, however briefly, from the position of 'faceless drone' to 'obstacle'.
The waiter messes up your order. You can't get a refill of coffee because they're "too busy", despite the fact that the restaurant is empty. Some jerk cuts you off with their cart and there's no way around them now. That asshole who is coming up on your tail, flashing his brights, decides to cut around you on the right at about 90 mph just as you start signaling to get out of his way, and he honks wildly as though you're the one endangering everyone on the road.
And you think to yourself: This person must die.
The Scorched Earth Party is here to tell you: Yeah. Go for it.
Here at the Scorched Earth Party, we are dedicated to a few simple principles:
* that the concept of "life is sacred" is the best joke we've heard this year.
* that nothing satisfies like clubbing some moron to death with a lead pipe.
* that you can never get laid enough.
* that the world will continue to deteriorate until 90% of its population is eliminated.
True happiness will never be yours unless you rise up with us. Join the 10% with the lead pipes. Help save the world through random, messy violence, and then wallow in carnal pleasure among the ruins.
The Scorched Earth Party is the only party that will bring change to this great nation of ours.
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A political party, not unlike the Beer Party and very much unlike Republicans and Democrats. They wish to bludgeon to death all the idiots and French with lead pipes.
What's so wrong with that?
Happiness is finally getting the crotch-rot under control: The Scorched Earth Party
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To make it a practice to refuse to give oral sex to all women who do not completely shave, wax, or through some other manner remove all of their pubic hair.
"Jill wanted me to go down on her but she had a landing strip down there and I have a strict Scorched Earth Policy"
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1. the process of hooking up and promptly/perpetually ignoring the existence of the other party at every opportunity. If the Earth is properly scorched, then he/she should get the impression the he/she simply does not exist to in any capacity. There is no acknowledged contact (eye or otherwise) of any kind, with the exception of a second hookup, which should be achieved with less than five words (or 10 minutes) of ballgame expended. Should this second hookup occur, all questions and comments are to be ignored. Should still more hookups occur, repeat process for desired effect
Meet John. Meet Jane. John fucked Jane, but has chosen to implement the Scorched Earth Policy. When Jane calls John, he does not answer. When Jane passes John on the way to class, John looks in every direction but hers. When Jane sends an angry email, John does not reply. When Jane attempts to confront John in any public space, he continues his conversation/puts on his headphones as if she were not there. Thus, the Earth has been Scorched.
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When someone, male or female, is dumped, scorned, or kicked to the curb by their significant other, they begin to fuck 'everything in sight' to get back at their ex.
Joe: "Dude, I saw your ex making out with the bouncer last night, then I saw them leave the bar together at 2am. I bet he tore that shit up last night"
Frank: ".... time for the Scorched Earth policy muthafuckas!!!!!"
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When you've entered your villain era so hard you go scorched earth, leaving a trail of bruised egos and broken hearts behind you.
Derik: I've got so much confidence lately, and I can't tell where it's coming from.
Jay: You've broken 4 hearts this week alone. I think you just entered a Scorched Earth Villain Era!
A phrase you utter when someone shows you that they've waxed their pussy.
"Damn! I done heard of trimming the hedges, but you done scorched the earth."
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