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verb: To pick up, use, and drop off.
"I need a drink. I'm about to trucker that sad, lonely loser in the corner."
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n. stimulant pills to keep you awake. derived from truckers choice.
"I took some truckers so I could study 24/7 for exams."
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Scientific name: Stankious Janktious Buffooneratium.
Synopsis
A janky, pungent waste of carbon molecules formed when a human host (generally mentally retarded or otherwise janky) is infected with a bacterial symbiote from the anhydrous planet Janky-Dell-Nokimotoranoobina. Upon contagion, the symbiote moves swiftly through the host's body, seizing control over the host's brain and reproductive organs.
Effects
Known effects on males include decreased penile stature and increased libido. Symptoms of the contagion are rarely evident in females; most are simply dormant carriers. However, cases of females showing symptoms have been documented and are most prevalent in butch females of the homosexual persuasion, or female slaves of a male of the species.
The contagion is known to cause massive hair redistribution from the scalp to other parts of the body, as well as a severe thickening of the skull. The host's eyes glaze over and the host body begins to emit a rotten smell as the decomposition of brain and muscle tissue commences.
Origins
As the symbiotes come from an anhydrous planet, they induce severe hydrophobia in the host. This causes the cessation of all hygienic rituals as performed by the host prior to infestation, contributing greatly to the smell generally associated with truckers.
Behavior
Truckers are typically seen attempting to mate with a potential victim regardless of the victim's attractiveness or pungency. A trucker will do anything--including sacrificing a fellow trucker--in order to be able to attempt to insert its flaccid, wispy four-inch penis into an underage female of the host's species and make them a carrier of the contagion.
Symbiote-infested creatures typically take jobs in road freight delivery to increase the potential for future planetary domination. The trucker intentionally attempts to drive poorly, aiming to increase traffic congestion. This causes people to inadvertently hear country music emitting from truck windows for longer continuous periods than normal, which further breaks down potential hosts' brain matter, leading to a speedier infestation of the host.
Infested creatures are known to frequently dispose of their excrements in bags, jugs, and other containers. The substance is an extremely powerful neurotoxin, having an LD50 of a mere 20 nanograms. This container is then thrown out of the host’s truck and onto the highway systems of the native land, becoming a so-called "Trucker bomb." Truckers' close cousin Wetmexiback Essajanktia Beanerus, or Latino-American, later cleans the Trucker bombs from the road to be used in the preparation of a sludge called Papst Blue Ribbon. The North America Symbiotic Collective Assimilation Regime, or NASCAR, then sells this Papst Blue Ribbon to citizens of the United States and surrounding areas to further weaken their brains and make them more vulnerable to symbiotic attacks.
Identifying
Fortunately, truckers are easy to spot. They are typically seen eating moon pies or beef jerky, and wearing NASCAR and/or Copenhagen clothing flannel, plaid shirts and wranglers, or sweatpants.
Culture
Truckers are huge fans of country music. This is an interesting paradox, as the creatures are unable to hear due to a waxy buildup in their ears. Top scientists studying the creatures theorize that the frequency composition of country music aids in the decomposition process of the host's brain, easing the symbiote's digestion of it.
Defense
In case of attack by a trucker, it is best to remain calm. The density of their skull renders them unable to identify body language and other sub-speech communication. However, your best weapon against a trucker is verbal expression of intelligent thought, as it will completely disable the trucker's little remaining capacity for thought and physical movement. In the event that verbal expression of intelligent thought is unavailable, high-power tasers are recommended as a sure-fire alternative. Note that low power tasers will often fail and yield no results due to the thick, greasy build-up on the bodies of most truckers, and even high power tasers must have their projectiles fired at close range (less than 5 yards).
In the near-fatal event that none of the aforementioned trucker-stopping methods are available for use, technology can serve as an effective defense. It is like kryptonite to a trucker: if you put a new, expensive, high-end electronic gadget in the vicinity of a trucker, he or she will flee in terror, not unlike as a vampire would from a garlic covered crucifix shaped bottle of Holy Water sitting in the sun.
Because truckers hate technology to such a vile extent, technology-exposed truckers will likely explode into a blind rage and attempt to kill anyone who forces said technology onto him. Technologies capable of so powerfully repelling truckers most particularly include laptops and cellular phones. But, fear not, as truckers are dim-witted and not well known for their athletic prowess. Simply recite the powers of 2 until you reach 4,096 and give him a swift kick to the right nut and he will fall like the twin towers.
Statements commonly made by truckers:
"How do I use this new fangled fone (indicating a 5 year old nokia)?"
"Where's the bathroom?" (it's 20 feet away and there's signs aplenty indicating where it is!)
Statements commonly made by non-Truckers:
"What a god damn stupid trucker."
"Stupid trucker."
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a fat closet bisexual slobs; rude, crude and porn addicts.
Can be found mostly at topless bars, adult bookstores, truckstops with lot lizards and bears.
it takes no intellect to be a trucker!
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Slang Term for ephedrine HCL tablets. Commonly bought by truckers at gas stations sold under such names as "mini thins" for prolonged periods of driving. It gained popularity in the 70s. Originally used to treat breathing problems such as Asthma, ephedrine is now widely used in the physical fitness world as a metabolism boosting fat burning stimulant as well as a being used as a recreational stimulant.
Legal status and availability fluctuates because it's often used to make Methamphetamine, though many workout supplement stores do carry them and sell them online.
Ephedrine HCL can be crushed up and unpleasantly snorted for a quick "high" though users often create a more powerful stimulation by combining ephedrine tablets with caffeine and Asprin to make "E.C.As" or "Triple stacks". This increases energy levels however is hard on the bodies central nervous system as well as Cardio vascular system.
OVERDOSING is a very real threat, and like all drugs, should be used in MODERATION or as directed to avoid such problems as
-Heart Attack
-Stroke
-Bleeding in the brain
-Seizures
-Hypertension
-Insomnia
-DEATH
Rick: "Man I had to drive 12 straight hours to pick up the kids,Thank god I had some coffee and some trucker speed
Jim: We're going clubbing tonight, you gonna drop some Ecstasy???
Bob: "nah man I don't want to get to messed up tonight...I'll stick with my cheap trucker speed"
Kate: " I really gotta finish reading this book for class tomorrow , does anyone have a Redbull I can jack?"
Jeff: Nope, but I can hook you up with some trucker speed"
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An explosive shit that is so violent and sloppy that it coats the entire toilet bowl with a toxic layer of feces that dries quickly and becomes almost impenetrable to the cleansing effects of the toilet water, requiring harsh chemicals and vigorous scrubbing for removal. The spread angle of the shit is normally so large that it often manages to line areas of the bowl that are above the anus at the time of shitting.
Typically these are created by truckers, vagabonds, travelling salesmen, nomads or similar (likely due to the fact they are typically sustained on a diet of exclusively junk food and beer) and are found in truck stops, motorway services, rest stops, night clubs and other public toilets.
"Oh cripes, I just went to clean that toilet and someone has done a trucker shit in there. Nasty!"
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When a trucker guy or girl goes crazy from being in a truck for long periods of time, having to eat shitty food, and not knowing where the hell he/she is.
After only two days in the truck, Bob the trucker developd a severe case of trucker insanity; the truck smelled terrible because of all the greasy food he dropped, the seat was extremely uncomfortable, and he was in the middle of some random state with extremely cold temperatures without a jacket.
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