you had one job

What bad guys say to their henchman when they either fail their task or get distracted.

Chicken Run lady: You had one job, Mr. Tweedy!

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You Had One Job

A meme that is meant to draw attention to blunders made on the job.

Guy 1: Are those Doritos in the Fritos isle?
Guy 2: You had one job, store manager!

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you strangle one hooker

in the same vein as "you fuck one goat", "you finger yourself once", "you've got aids" - once this thing has happened there is no going back.

"Well Bob, there you have it - you strangle one hooker and we all know not to leave our sisters around yours!"

"Bloody hell! It's not like I make habit out of this... I strangle one hooker and this is the bullshit I get!"

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bang you out one punch

to knock someone out in one hit, then fist-pump over their battered body

playa, i'm gonna bang you out one punch if you say one more thing

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I shit you not one cent

used to state that a story is 100% true, no matter now insane, silly, or crazy it sounds, "one cent" is the part stating that not even 1% of this story is fake

"i shit you not one cent, the tiger did a backflip" roger said to george

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would you like one of my kidneys with that?

A phrase used when someone is asking for something unreasonable. I coined this one myself when I was in college and the other classes kept bumming things off us.

'Can we have some of your milk'?
'Yeah, sure.'

'Can we have some of your tea bags?'
'Yeah, just please get your own supply sometime will you goddammit?'

'Can we have some of your biscuits?'
'Ngh. Would you like one of my kidneys with that?'

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you a good one

you’re indeed NOT a good one. meaning your stupid, dumb not making sense in certain situation others would be more smart about etc.

example:
Sam:”i spent my last trying to get Ronald out of jail

liz : lol you a good one couldnt be me

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