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What you do when there is nothing to do.
When I woke up in the middle of the night, I took off my clothes and started to masturbate.
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This is what I do when I see something that excites me and there are no males around. I go find a comfortable sitting and relax. I take my pants and undies off then spread my thighs. I start rubbing the inside of my thigh to get me warmed up. I am already a little wet by now. Then I lick my two fingers and slowly and softly run them across my clit. aahh this feels so good. I'm moaning in anticipation because I know what is about to come. I then lick my fingers again and start at my clit, slowing guiding them into my hole. I make a soft back and forth motion, then as hard as I can shove my fingers as far back as they can go. i moan. I continue doing this a few times and then pull them out. ahh. I am dripping wet at this time. I make a circular motion around my clit and glide acrossed it. I am just teasing myself at this time. I shove my fingers down in there again and quickly go back and forth and around and I do this over and over. I continue moaning louder and louder making weirder and more exciting noises only to turn me on more. I am at the best part now. I pull my fingers out suck them to get all the juices off and then put them in there for one last time. I am working at a fast rate now. Flicking my clit with one hand and jamming my fingers in with the other hand. ahhh. I want to cum so bad I continue my motions. I start breathing harder and moaning louder. I squeeze my titties. I finally cum. I moan as I cum. I rub the juices all over my body and lick those fingers enjoying every last drop. oh man that was amazing.
Jessica- "Hey Jane do you want to masturbate with me today?"
Jane- "Yea! Only if you help me out though."
Jessica- "Of course. I enjoy helping you out."
Jane- "=). If only guys weren't so dumb."
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to wank off
Last night, I lay my head upon my pillow,
But stayed up late, to masturbate.
Last night, I lay myself upon my bed, but
I stayed awake, for pleasure's sake.
You should see me working on the short strokes,
It's really grand, I use my hand;
You should see me working on the long strokes,
It's really neat, I use my feet.
Smash it! Bash it! Pound it on the floor!
Smite it! Bite it! Ram it through the door!
Oh, it's so neat to beat your meat while sitting on the toilet seat,
I got horny so I took off my clothes and masturbated.
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What you probably just got done doing
After I masturbate I surf the web so that if people who suspected me to be masturbating walk in, they will think I was surfing the Internet the whole time.
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Something Everybody does I mean EVERYBODY!!! (except people with cameras in every room, but the fund a way around it)
I masturbate every night!
It's Too FUN!!
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I once heard the late George Carlin at a live performance reel off hundreds of witty slang synonyms for masturbation, but his final entry, and the punchline for his entire performance, was,
"Crowning the King."
I thought it was the funniest.
Queen Elizabeth II: Prince Andrew! Prince Andrew! How much longer are you going to be in there?
Prince Andrew: Just a little while longer, Grand Mum.
Queen Elizabeth II: Prince Andrew! You are not endevouring to masturbate in there, are you?
Prince Andrew: Of course not, Grand Mum--I'm Crowning the King!
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To jack one's beanstalk.
Or, to choke one's chicken.
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