Pachuco

A slimey criminal identifiable by his greasy hair. A Pachuco hangs out on street corners and loiters outside liquor stores and pool halls. He accosts defenseless people and weak people and threatens them with a switchblade knife. He wears a purple shirt and a perpetual sneer.

An urban terrorist who only picks on single individuals who can't defend themselves.

This criminal is loved and protected by the Liberal, who says that the Pachuco is only defending the Bario and the Pachucada.

Hector is a Pachuco. He loiters outside the liquor store all evening, spitting on the sidewalk and picking his teeth with a switchblade. He pretends to ignore large people and mean looking people. But if a skinny nerd with glasses walks by, the Pachuco spits on the sidewalk and steps in front of the nerd. "Hey, mon," he says, "this is my turf. What are you doing on my turf?" The Pachuco sneers at the skinny nerd, puts his switchblade in front of the nerd's face, and acts very tough indeed. When the nerd wets his pants in terror, the Pachuco lets him go.

If a fuzz drives by, Hector puts his knife in his pocket and struts away. If a big redneck walks by, Hector slouches away. If the Crips or Bloods come by, Hector the Pachuco runs away in terror.

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Greasy Haired Pachuco

A common, garden variety Pachuco boy. A slime ball with greasy hair. The Pachuco puts grease into his hair to show the world that he is a stupid, worthless punk who refuses to work for a living. Instead of working, he collects all the entitlements handed to him by liberal polliticians. He spends his time loitering outside pool halls and liquor stores, picking his teeth with a switchblade knife and intimidating passers-by with remarks like, "Hey, mon, this is MY turf."

In the early Twenty First Century, the worst kind of Greasy Haired Pachuco is the Bald-Headed Greasy Haired Pachuco. These worthless Pachukes shave their heads to pretend they are prison inmates, all the better to impress each other and the local cholas. (If there's anything a chola loves more than greasy hair, it's a bald head.)

Listen up, you Greasy Haired Pachuco. Oakland is NOT your turf! I was born in Oakland before your ignorant Mama was born, and it's MY turf.

Join the movement to exterminate rats, fleas, AIDS, termites, Crips, Bloods, and Greasy Haired Pachucos from Oakland.

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