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Captain Internet is antithesis of Captain Obvious. Instead of stating the obvious, Captain Internet will quote random and obscure facts that briefly made headlines on the Internet days, sometimes years, prior. That's not to say that Captain Internet has all this information in their head and ready to spout at will, the memory of Captain Internet remembers only pieces of the fact, just enough to perform a successful search of the Internet. Often the reference will come up in conversation and days later, Captain Internet will strike with a link about "that thing we were talking about" or two Captain Internet's will have a duel and attempt to prove that they were the first to learn about a given piece of information.
Captain Internet's pride comes not from knowing facts, or even providing useful information, but from knowing something that someone didn't know and proving that they knew it first.
While Captain Internet is a relatively new phenomenon, they are direct descendants of Captain Encyclopedia, who dominated post-conversation follow-up throughout most of the 20th century. Their rise has in part been aided by the posting site Reddit, since posts are time-stamped, allowing Captain Internet to prove that they were first to learn something.
*** sometime in 2013 ***
friend: "have you seen this Gangnam Style video?
Captain Internet: "yes, that blew up last year. I saw it first on Youtube when it only had 100,000 views."
friend: email "look at these security images of cougars found stalking around a house in town"
Captain Internet: "I saw that on Reddit 5 days ago, here's the <link>"
friend: ".. and that's why carbon dioxide needs to be expelled from your lungs or it will become toxic.."
Captain Internet: "oh, that reminds me of this interesting lake somewhere that slowly collect carbon dioxide in it somehow.. I forget it's name"
4 days later
Captain Internet: email "here's the link for Lake Nyos, a lake in Cameroon that absorbs carbon dioxide from a volcanic vent underneath it, here's <link>"
friend: "thanks Captain Internet"
Captain Internet: "is that a real thing?
friend: "yes, I just made it up"
Captain Internet: "that's actually already on Urban Dictionary, here's the <link>"
The douchebag holding up traffic by driving under the speed limit - applies to any lane.
I wish this lane captain would get the f*ck outta my way.
Someone who likes to gamble alot.
Dockers at $4.20, what do you think of that Captain Bettypants?
A friend/Acquaintance who frequently uses coupons to pay for items.
Henry: Lets go to McDonalds, I've got a voucher
Dave: Alright Captain Coupon!
When a man and woman are ass-to-ass (while on their backs) and they decide to put 1/2 of a string of anal beads in each others ass so that neither can leave. Then the male jerks off and just before he shoots his load in his partner's face he yells, "engage!" like Captain Jean-Luc Picard. Can also be done by a senior male on his female partner using his really saggy balls instead of anal beads.
Mike "Oh man, I had Jennifer over last night and gave her a Captain's Anchor!"
James "How was it?"
Mike "She was pretty pissed, and my ass is really sore today."
Person 1: Dude look its gay rick
Person 2: No dude that Captain SS
Rick: *sobs* Now I have to go self suck myself
Person 1 & 2 : AHAHAHAHA
An awesome man who stands near creeks hoping to catch many fish. A two-fisted humdinger and a regular old go-to-heck. He's a genuine supraman, composed of twisted blue steel and sex appeal.
It's a bird! It's a plane! No! It's Captain Adventure!