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danger wank

The act of extreme masturbation. You must "knock one out" whilst in close proximity to any of the following; Your mum, a nun, your boss, a member of parliament, George Michael. A person with capabilities to act upon catching you mid self-abuse obvisouly ups the ante. Ejaculation must be reached before your danger wank target comes (no pun intended) to investigate. The higher the chances of being discovered with one's pants down, pulling one's war face is obviously where the danger comes from. The more danger involved the harder (or softer) it is to complete the task in hand (snigger). The more dangerous the better. The chance of being arrested, pummeled by an angry father or having your hand severed by an arab's sabre means that you are a pro "Danger wanker."

"I was in my bedroom and i shouted downstairs, "Mum there's call the police there's a madman with a set of steak knives hacking me to pieces!" As soon as I heard her scream, I dropped my trousers and commenced the danger wank. As I heard her stomp up the stairs I knew i had to be quick so i upped the pace, i heard her stumble on the top step, which bought me some time. Unfortunately for me I timed my finish badly. As my mum barged through the door armed with a rollign pin I chugged all over her. I spent the evening in A&E with concusion. Now thats what i call extreme DW"

by johnnynika May 30, 2006

3702๐Ÿ‘ 516๐Ÿ‘Ž


Coke Wank

A phrase popularized by the comedian Jim Jefferies,

Masturbating after consuming about 1+ grams of coke. By the fifth hour, when you actually have an orgasm you are so dehydrated that it's more like gelatin pellets spitting onto your chest, instead of semen.

"At this point I was really just looking forward to my Coke Wank, and the fat bitch wouldn't leave my hotel" - Jim Jefferies

by ICallThisTheDoubleBarrel June 7, 2014

36๐Ÿ‘ 3๐Ÿ‘Ž


wanks off

jerks off, jacks off, shakes hands with the governor, spanks the monkey, etc.

see "Prick up Your Ears"

by Fletcher Cox December 8, 2004

28๐Ÿ‘ 1๐Ÿ‘Ž


Wanked Out

Exhaustion brought on by excessive masturbation.

"I was at it for a solid 30 minutes, now I'm all Wanked Out!"

by Manx bloke November 6, 2006

70๐Ÿ‘ 6๐Ÿ‘Ž


wank

Anything good or positive. (Used as all types of parts of speech)

I just got a wank score on my test.
Her body is wank.
I want to wank tonight.
That wank car is fast.

by thewanksterofnooches December 14, 2009

1๐Ÿ‘ 5๐Ÿ‘Ž


Spooky Wank

A spooky wank is performed in bed. Lying on their back, the participant presses their buttocks firmly against the mattress and breaks wind. Whilst doing this, they close their eyes and imagine the resulting warm gust is a particularly arousing spirit that wishes to pass straight through right their rear and gain access their groin area.

Unfortunately, as the spirit is unable able to grasp or manipulate objects, the participant lends a helping hand.

Blanche: Are you doing anything nice for Halloween?

Daniel: Yes, I'll be having a spooky wank.

Blanche: Oh lovely. Please say hello to my great grandma if she stops by.

by 00moon00 October 15, 2021


Rib Wank

A failed attempt at a tit wank when the girls breasts are too small for proper wanking of the penis.

I was so pissed off that I couldn't get a proper tit wank off that girl. She had such under developed tits..She tried but it was a blatant Rib wank....I left feeling unfulfilled

by Girthy_Z November 7, 2010