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The act of putting a condom on a cactus then inserting it anally.
Hey im going to go home and give my self a rubber cactus.
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Its a phrase that is said after any awkward moment of silence. It refers to a tumbleweed.
(silence)...
okay?? Cactus thingy...
awkward silence tumbleweed
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There are several definitions floating around out there - but this is an original scenario and should be considered an authentic Cactus Jack henceforth -
If lonely in the desert, take a small cactus and carefully remove all needles. Insert a knife in the bottom and hollow out the pulp. You should now have a flap of cactus skin with a nicely lubricated, aloey, gooey lining. Carefully insert two fingers and feel around the inside looking for any "ingrown needles". Once satisfied that your cactus meets all safety requirements, you may proceed to have sex with it. Afterwards, rinse and repeat as desired. The flap will fold easily and can be kept discreetly in your pocket.
When Casey was doing infantry training out in the desert, I heard he got lonely in his fighting hole and made himself up a nice little Cactus Jack for company.
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When a mans pubes are so thick and coarse that when he pulls out after sex several of his pubes are still stuck in the womans pubus region (like when you touch a cactus)
1. Oh man, My vag is sore, shawns got a major "cactus cock"
2. "I had sex with a guy who had cactus cock and i've been pulling his pubes out of my thighs and labia for days" exclaimed Emily
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when the hair on your nuts resembles
the prickly needles of a cactus, as a
result of going extended lengths of
time between shaving.
i need to shave, i've got some
major cactus sack going on.
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(v). to slap the cactus, to be slapping the cactus, to have slapped the cactus.
A phrase used upon the realization that you are (or even within the act of) doing something worthy of a *facepalm* only it is worse. It is also the more exciting substitute for calling someone dumb, or stupid.
"Sarah was definitely slapped the cactus last night - she turned the stove on, forgot that she had, and proceeded to set her laundry down - thankfully she only singed her eyebrows when she tried to put the fire out with the contents of a suspicious water bottle that turned out to be full of vodka"
Sam: "Come on man, you HAVE to admit, Shelby is pretty hott"
Tim: "Dude, stop slapping the cactus - she looks like a mule"
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An offensive word used to name Mexican people. Derived from incidents where illegal immigrants accidentaly land on cactus as the jump the border.
That cactus crusher smells like beans.
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