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Obese, resilient, lethargic, and often self-righteous women who work in an office environment that make daily life annoying for all they encounter. Office cows are generally very chatty and love to gossip with fellow bovine. They are commonly found in workplaces with cubicles, or long counters with multiple serving lines such as the DMV. No matter what one's goal is when trying to resolve an issue with an office cow, the insolent heifer will obfuscate things to the point of insanity.
The receptionist in the movie "Office Space" who repeatedly answers the phone saying "Corporate accounts this is Lanina speaking... just a moment" is a PRIME example of an office cow. So are the despicable gluttons found at the DMV who always contest your knowledge despite how thoroughly you've researched any given material simply because they've spent half their miserable lives behind that counter and, I quote "have been doing this since before you were born"... And you still can't get it right you ignorant slob!!!!
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With the evolution of modern medicine, an office worker will live to around 85 years old. These zombie like humans, infected with the parasite of indoctrination, are compliant and conditioned to both obey and seek validation from the one source; Absolute authority.
Roger: "Want to jump off the bridge at high tide tonight?"
Tim: "Wow. I can't I have to be in the office by 7 am tommorow. "
Roger: "You wanker!"
Tim: "We all have to grow up someday."
Roger: "Piece of shit, office workers always say that."
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The fat stupid guy at work that sucks up to the boss, spouts simplistic platitudes, and thinks he is more experienced because he has worked there 20 years but you always seem to be fixing his fuck ups.
The office chimp at work came over to help me. I just wanted him to get away from me because he annoys me and he fucks things up all the time.
"There's no 'I' in team, that's what I always say." The office chimp stated.
Just to be a dick to him and hopefully drive him away, I brought up Maureen's promotion that he was hoping to get.
"It's okay, good things come to those who wait. I will get it next time." The office chimp replied.
Jesus fucking Christ, I thought to myself. Would you just go the fuck away.
Our boss walked by, and the office chimp stopped what he was doing and fucked up the order of my documents in the process.
"How are you doing today Frank?" the office chimp said overly cheerful.
Frank answered, "Good, glad to see you helping out over here."
"Got to teach these young guys, I have been here 20 years and they can learn a lot from me. Of course the people are our most important asset too! We wouldn't be anywhere without them and we need to step in and show we appreciate them." the fucking moron office chimp said.
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The person in the office who perceives their work ethic and productivity to be vastly greater than the other workers. This person often adopts the attitude that doing the work alone is better than cleaning up the mess made by others. This person may be prone to neurotic diplays in temperment. The neurotic office martyr is the worst personality for any type of management position as they will suffer from extreme stress and live in fear of being undermined or undervalued.
Betty: How am I supposed to get all of this work done when I've got people who can't even read a memo!
Alice: Have you tried working with them?
Betty: How can I work with them? I have a huge pile of papers here and no one knows how to do this but me!
Alice: Can't someone else be taught to do it?
Betty: Never mind! I don't know why I come to you. You never support me. I can't even go to the bathroom in this place, I have so much to do!!! I don't know how much longer I should be expected to put up with this!
Alice: Wow, you really are the office martyr.
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The fine art of giveing the illusion of hard work without actually doing anything.
Jeff: "What do you mean you got a raise, you dont do shit!?"
Josh: "My Office-Fu is strong."
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A typically young and flirty co-worker that flirts, or sleeps her way through her life, friends, and jobs. often times she is unable to actually do her work, and is only hired/promoted because of her looks. she is able to keep her job because the older married boss likes having something to look at, flirt with, do something with, or have sex with her. When she does inevitably screw-up she isn't yelled at, unlike her homelee, modest, mature co-workers, but she is gently "talked to" and almost tutored like a child in order to help her "get" her job because she is the dumbest P-O-S screw-up to ever walk the face of the Earth.
when Nicki demanded that Ryan fire VALERIE due to her shitty attitude, poor attendance, and inability to do the job right; Ryan (the boss) was hesitant because she was the "office slut" that he liked to flirt with. they argued for almost an hour, people walking by Ryan's office could hear Nicki yelling at him to fire valerie.
eventually, Ryan gave in and both of them had a private meeting with Valerie the next day. when Valerie learned that she was getting fired she cried, and poured on the "sob story" of how she was dumped by her lame boyfriend, and how she is homeless. not only did Valerie end up keeping her job, but by the next week she was promoted because she was fucking the boss.
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Feeling crazy at work inside an office.
The accountant experienced office fever when the photocopy machine malfunctioned; he initiated a heated argument with it.
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