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A person by the name of Kyle Ford is the most unfortunate of people. He got stuck with the worst genes and some very bad habits and traits. Kyle Ford got stuck with the ginger orange hair, no idea how to swim, transparent eyebrows, pasty white complexion, and hairs going all down his neck, hence having a neck beard. And to add to it, Kyle Ford also is stupid enough to have no idea how to swim. What a shame of a human being.
"You see that ugly ass guy over there?" "Yeah, I think that's Kyle Ford."
The biggest, SUV on the road. Optional 5.4 L V-8 (standard), 6.8 L V-10 (ricer killer), or 6.0 L/7.3 L Powerstroke V-8 Diesel (powerhouse). They are usually found being meandered around by a soccer mom or a redneck, weigh nearly 8000 pounds, use a runway to stop, handle like trucks, and chug down gas. However, when used properly, they justify these characteristics.
The Pilot: In the hands of a soccer mom, they can, and do, pancake Prii (Priuses). In the hands of a redneck, they can be seen being used in a reckless and stupid fashion. However, in the hands of a capable driver, they can be very safe and don't typically run into anything.
Maneuverability: They're big. They need space. If you know what you're doing, you can move them into and out of the most cramped parking spaces.
Weight: They're big. They weigh a lot, there is no way out of this one.
Long Stop: Factors like brake, tire, and road conditions play critical roles. If the driver is observant though, they can usually stop in time or maneuver around the obstacle.
Handling: The F-250 truck frame is responsible.
MPG: Dismal, but they are amazing people movers. When loaded to capacity (8 people), their 15 MPG are justified. BONUS: Plenty of power. It goes in the snow too.
All in all, they only become viable when you need to move people in a climate that can be less than favorable, or if you need an SUV that can do the job of an F-250 (i.e.tow a trailer). Small wonder they are no longer made.
Walking down the street.
Guy 1: Is that a tank coming down the sidewalk?
Guy 2: NO! It's a soccer mom in a Ford Excursion! Run for your life!
Guy 1: Damn, that thing's big.
Phone call between work buddies:
Worker 1: You gonna come to work?
Worker 2: Nah, there's a foot of snow on the ground, my Suburban won't make it.
Worker 1: You're not gonna slack off this time, I'm gonna come pick you up in the Excursion.
Worker 2: I thought you used that to tow your RV?
Worker 1: I do. My Expedition won't make in the snow either.
Worker 2: Do I have to come to work?
Worker 1: Yes!
In a V-10 Excursion when confronted by a ricer at a light:
Ricer: *Fart can Revs
Driver: If I ignore him, he'll go away.
*Ricer guns it, goes weedeating down the street.
*Excursion does a sensible, controlled acceleration, but doesn't keep up with the ricer, as he's not racing.
Ricer: I win.
Driver: We weren't racing.
Ricer: You just say that 'cause you lost. *Fart Rev
Driver: It's game time. *Screaming V-10 Rev (Pure unadulterated awesome)
*Light change
*Ricer guns it, goes weedeating down the street.
*Excursion guns it, goes powering down the street.
*Excursion overtakes ricer with the aid of 310 hp (if racing a ricer that does meaningful mods, about the same) and 425 lb·ft of torque (probably five times more) despite the fact that it's at least four and a half times heavier.
*Ricer resorts to a ricer flyby.
Moral of the story: Ricers suck, torque wins races.
73👍 9👎
The only person ever known to survive a nuclear blast by climbing into a lead refridgerator and getting thrown 2 miles into the air.
Harrison Ford can survive nuclear blasts because he recognizes the valuble qualities of lead refridgerators.
119👍 20👎
Ford Flex is The most ugly vehicle Ford has ever made. Inside and out, it has been named the biggest mistake made by Ford. It's sales have been much lower than predicted every year of production. Ford only makes it now to have a tax write off for losses.
It is mainly sold to the visually impaired who cannot tell how butt ugly this vehicle is.
Also bought by parents for their teenagers as a form of birth control because no one wants to be seen in one or could get in the mood inside one.
I thought that was the back of a donkey, but it was a ford flex
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The first un-elected American president. He was first appointed Nixon's VP when Spiro Agnew resigned and then after Nixon was forced to resign following Watergate, he became the president and remained so for 3 years.
Gerald Ford is good friends with Jimmy Carter despite the fact that he lost presidency to him.
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Field researcher for the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Pretends to be an actor from Guildford, England, but is actually from somewhere around Betelgeuse. Concvinced his name in inconspicuous. Believes in never buying your own drinks.
"How reliable is he?"
"How reliable? How shallow is the ocean? How cold is the sun?"
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Hollywood actor, who though talented in portraying many roles, is pissed off 24/7, shakes his finger at everyone and his ship always brakes down. I mean it, hes always mad its funny as hell!
"Ah chewie!"
"Get off my plane!"
"Salah I said no cammels!"
347👍 71👎