Rural Dictionary

Jesus

A Jewish man with high ideals that came out on the rotten end of the stick. Contrary to popular belief, Jesus never proclaimed himself the "Son of God", and in fact was only seen as a regular mortal until the Council of Nicea in 325, where the Christian Emperor Constantine proclaimed that Jesus was indeed Divine.
His name, Jesus Christ is purely fictional as well. Jesus was his name, however the latter "Christ" was not tacked on until much later, "Christ" meaning messiah, and derived from the word Christos.

Jesus was part of a religious society that preached love and humility amongst other humans. The Jews, however, were a constant thorn in the Empire's side, and Jesus was seen as a political dissenter, and was sentenced to die so as to make an example to others. A funny note to Jesus' death is that
A) Being crucified was nothing special; in fact, mostly anyone that was seen as a political enemy of the Empire was killed in this fashion (so no, Jesus was not special in this), and
B) It wasn't actually a cross that he was crucified on, it was a capital "T". The top bar, making it look like a lowercase "t", was only later added by the church.

When Jesus was crucified, however, no one seemed to care, and everyone went about their lives. It was only when Jesus' brother James (whom the church denies ever existed)was killed on the steps on the Temple of Solomon that the Jews rose up against the Authoritarian Romans (See: Temple of Solomon; Temple of Herod; Titus). So in truth, no one really knew Jesus existed. He was just another man to all of these people, albeit a demi-prophet.

It wasn't until later that the idea of Christianity was adopted, by the so called St. Paul. The problem with Paul's story, however, was that he was a Gentile (non-Jew) in Roman employ, and created the Christian church for purely political and self-serving reasons. Most of what he based the church on it completely fake, and was actually stolen from other religions, i.e.:

1) Mithras, the soldiers' God, was born in a cave to a virgin to free mankind from evil
2) Egyptian theological drawings always used a halo, mostly to represent something to do with divinity and the sun

... and many other things.

So in truth, Jesus was just a man that lived, and died. Most christians are completely blinded by their religious dogma to accept this however, and therefore Jesus will always be viewed as the "Son of God"

Jesus was born, lived in a theological-centered society, and was killed. Now he's being used for political purposes, or for greed in most cases.

by Matthew Johnston January 7, 2007

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Jesus

1. The only man more powerful than Batman, Jesus chose to spend his time on Earth trying to convince people to be nice to eachother. After thirty or so years of this, the Roman emperor and some of his buddies got sick of him and nailed him to the cross. Ergo, the second definition:

2. The answer to the question "why me?"

The guy in that WhatIf commercial who dropped his air conditioner on his car: Why me?
God: Jesus, bitch.

Guy with AIDS: Why me?
God: Jesus. Obviously.

Luke: No. No. That's not true! That's impossible!
God: You people shouldn'ta fucked with Jesus.

by The Anonymouse August 22, 2008

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Jesus

Jesus of Nazareth; the Son of Mary source of the Christian religion & Savior in the Christian faith; believed to be miraculously conceived by his Mother; received as great teacher by disciples and common people; preached redeeming love of God for every person; suspected of revolutionary aims as Messiah; seized by Romans but turned over to and crucified by Jewish authorities; believed by followers to have been miraculously resurrected; proclaimed by disciples and believers as Messiah and savior of all.

Jesus is nice.

I love Jesus, he is my friend.

Jesus saves, at walmart.

I found Jesus, he was hiding behind the sofa.

by Adamari May 9, 2005

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