vampire friend

someone who is only your friend at night because during the day he/she is with his/her (most likely asian) significant other with a ball and chain attached to their crotch.

tycho: "hey where's that douche aaron?"
erik: "i don't know, he's such a vampire friend. we only see him at night!"

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help vampire

A term used most frequently by chat room programmers for blood suckers who aren't interested in the functions or inner workings of a solution but rather the end result. They normally mask themselves in chat rooms pretending to ask for "help."

helpmeplzzzz: Hai guyz, can u make me a dropdwn script? idk javascript and I dont like teh 1s online!!!!!
ExpertJsProgrammer: @helpmeplzzzz Stop being a help vampire and go learn JavaScript.

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vampire years

When someone looks freakishly younger than their age.

Edna looks like she's 27 but she's actually 42 in vampire years.

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Reverse Vampire

A vampire who craves the sun and hates the night. Loves to get a tan. Refered to in both The Simpsons and Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Reverse Vampires sleep in tanning booths during the night.

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Anus Vampire

Spirit in the Japanese Shinto religion that is known as the Kappa or Shirokodama and sucks a person's soul out through their anus.

Run for your lives, I think I just saw an anus vampire!

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AIDS Vampire

A vampire, with the illness; AIDS.

"You look like an AIDS Vampire today!"
"Yeah i forgot to shave..."

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vampiric irrigation

When one's anus becomes blocked with shit, one could hire a vampire to suck all the blood out of your ass and so the shit simply falls out.

Shirley tried vampiric irrigation the other day and it damn well did the job.

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