Rural Dictionary

I wish I had more hands...

An expression used to communicate disapproval of a specific instance, circumstance or thing(s) which was initially expected to rock but then ended in disappointment.

"...so I can give those (fill in the blank) four thumbs down."

by JT Arpent July 13, 2004

42👍 12👎

1. An exasperation; An expression of one's deeply seated desire to be bequeathed the knowledge necessary to read and comprehend advanced literature, such as road signs and Eric Carl's "The Hungry Hungry Caterpillar", the latter of which is often considered to be the epitome of postmodernist literature.

2. In a metaphorical sense, a display of one's dismay after having conducted what is often known as a "slip of the tongue" while performing the act of reading literature. In this case, it should not be seen as one literally being incapable of reading, rather as a cry for forgiveness after one has botched the reading of a passage.

3. A deeply rooted metaphysical desire often believed to be the root of all suffering. A desire to read is very often perceived by scholars to be the cause of some of the most tragic events in human kind. A notable example of such a tragedy include Thirty Years' War, in which Austrian Catholics were unable to read the Protestant North German and Scandinavian bibles, leading to armed conflict between both parties as neither could perceive that they were, in fact, reading the same book.

1. "I tried to find the Inn but sadly my illiteracy prevented me from reading roadside signs and I was regulated to sleeping under a bridge. Damn I wish I could read."

2. Susanne: "Look Hon, it says here that you can bake a cookie for free."

Susanne's Hon, Richard: "Are you sure that is what is truly written down? Perhaps you might wish to take a further look at the statement you have just provided me, for it seems as though you had a slip of the tongue."

Susanne: "Damn I wish I could read."

3. Ferdinand II, Holy Roman Emperor: "Gustavus, what are these books you have handed me? They are completely illegible, any true bible should be written in Latin! Not some strange viking tongue!"

Gustavus Adolphus, King of Sweden: "Why, they are the bible my fine fellow. They are merely written in the language of my people, Swedish, as many Swedes cannot comprehend Latin."

Ferdinand II, Holy Roman Emperor: "Heresy I say! this means war!"

Gustavus Adolphus, King of Sweden: "Damn I wish I could read."