I'd rather nail my penis to a burning building

An expression of extreme disgust over a proposed course of action. First uttered in the movie, "The Fan," by John Leguizamo.

"Baby, let's go antiques shopping this weekend."

"I'd rather nail my penis to a burning building."

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I'd rather scrape my balls with a cheese grater

A phrase used to convey extreme disgust at a proposition; often used in reference to a poor choice of eatery or film in the context of a gathering of friends, often on a regular basis.

Vincent would rather scrape his balls with a cheese grater than dine at KFC tonight.

I'd rather scrape my balls with a cheese grater than watch 'Meet the Spartans', Joseph.

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i'd rather have a penis in my pants

The term you use in an awkward situation

boy: wanna go on a date?
girl: i have AIDS
...
boy i'd rather have a penis in my pants

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I'd like to bridge your buns right open

A crass pickup line, typically directed at girls with the name Bridget (for the "Bridge" effect), but can apply to any girl (or guy if that's your bag). Means "I'd like to spread your buttcheeks apart and stick my male sex organ in your anus."

Man: What's your name, cutie?
Woman: Bridget.
Man: Oh yeah? I'd like to bridge your buns right open.
*Man gets a drink in the face and a hard kick in the crotch*

Meaghan's a waffle crapper, I'd bridge her buns right open.

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I'd drop my nut butter in her pooper

Do a girl in the ass

"Yo check that hottie by the door"
"yeah, I'd drop my nut butter in her pooper"
"real smooth 007"

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I'd strap on 16 a mile away

An indication of disgust toward, or warning against hooking up with a particularly disgusting slut. She is so gross that upon seeing her and/or learning about her numerous sexual partners, you feel it's only safe to strap up with at least sixteen rubbers and stay a mile away from her pussy or more at all times to avoid getting a severe case of VD.

Tom: Dude! I think I'm gonna score with Kendra at Mike's party tonight, can't wait to hit that shit raw!

Jerry: You gotta be fuckin' kidding me. Oh well, have fun getting sloppy thirds 20 minutes after the party starts. I'd strap on 16 a mile away.

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i could tell you, but then i'd have to kill you

a mob-like expression for the phrase "You will die if you hear my secret"

Guy 1: Duuuude, howdja get that Ipod touch?
Guy 2: i could tell you, but then i'd have to kill you
Guy 1: is that a no?
Guy 2: WTF was that supposed to mean?
Guy 1: you tell me,
Guy 2: NO!

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