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An expert in the martial arts, a true scholar, and a gentleman. He will one day be the American army... maybe Vin Diesel will be a teammate, but mostly just Chuck.
He doesnt read books, he just stares at them until he gets information.
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he roundhouse kicked the deputy in the face... the sheriff was the luckier of the two.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.
Chuck Norris’ sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.
With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.
Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.
N. Chuck Norris is God.
V. Did you see the way Mark just Chuck Norrised his girlfriend in the vagina?
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The only man in the world who can throw a baby at Mach 12.
He can also eat the sun, and bench press himself with both arms tied behind his back.
He destroyed Asian villages by the dozen, for his morning jog.
Chuck Norris can bench press the sun.
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chuck norris is a indistructabale crime fightinng sex machine.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits
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Chuck Norris will get you .. run, before it's too late
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A god that, while having sex with your wife in a truck, purposely let one of his sperm loose in the engine. You now know that truck as Optimus Prime
Why are we looking for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? Chuck Norris lives in Houston.
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the ability to survive a roundhouse kick from chuck norris, but due to the laws of this world, your shoes would remain in place while your body is stuck in another dimension, if it survived the initial blow, but only death has been the only outcome so far
Dude 1: Hey, have you seen Jon lately?
Dude 2: Nah, but apparently people are saying he is suffering from "norris survival".
Dude 1: Huh? OH, ok, dude we should give him a cool name, like Dr. Manhattan!
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