table joke

Table Joke: a flat out terrible joke that is usually used as a conversation filler EX: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why did the chicken cross the road? To play checkers! This is a table joke

Table Whine

Incessant unnecessary complaints offered by your companions whilst you are dining out. Table whines usually occur more frequently after your friends and colleagues have partaken in table wine.

YOU: "I'm hungry, where is the food? What's up with this place???"
ME: "I'm sure we can ask for more bread to go with your table whine."
YOU: "I'm sorry, I'm just a little drunk off of the table wine."

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staining the table

It's when you defecate on someone's chest and gently smear it with your hand. Kind of like wax on, wax off.

Tony came over last night and he began staining the table.

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The Ham is on the Table!

1. A metaphorical statement implying a complete loss of tolerance for a given situation.

2. A statement confirming the beginning or end of any course of action regarding a given situation. (i.e. "It's on now" or "The shit has hit the fan"

I'm tired of that fool talkin all that shit about me...The ham is on the table!

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Hit the table

Line up a couple of shots and hit it.

Guy1: "Yo, man, lets hit the table tonight!"
Guy2: "Fuck yeah! Gonna get shit-faced."

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table bling

When your table is so crowded with vertical menus, little easels, spiral bound displays, plastic-encased specials, elaborate comdiments containers, napkin dispensers, floral displays, cardboard food advertisements, and crayons that you have barely any room on the tabletop before the food is even served - that's when you're suffering from table bling.

You go into a restaurant. Not the really nice kind, maybe, but not the kind with the arches on the roof. Your average chain restaurant. And you're sitting there with your friends. There are a lot of you around the table, and even before the wait staff brings you anything, you're already crowded. Why? Because there are all these *things* on the table. Vertical menu things and easel-based drink things and spiral bound dessert things and plastic encased specials things and an elaborate container with condiments in it plus some kind of fake floral thing and another brightly colored cardboard thing sticking out of a vase or carafe or whatever the heck it is and it's all garnished with a side of crayons (you're all adults out on business lunch and there are no kids whatsoever in the place). Table bling is gaudy, not worth the expense, and obnoxious... kind of like regular bling.

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Unbeaten Table

A table that is unbeaten

Martha: Hey, did ju beat dat table?
Lola: No, that table is an unbeaten table.

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