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John: I was watching some soccer last nite! It got intense!
Luke: Haha I bet the girl was all wet.
Other guys: *laughing*
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The most despicable species of woman known to humankind.
Soccer Mom is aged 30 to 50 years and can always be found in Havertown, PA. She lives in an overrated neighborhood which in all honesty looks like lower-middle-class suburban Philadelphia on a good day.
She drives either a minivan or an SUV, which she needs to cart around her 2.3 kids, who are as obnoxious as all get out. In addition to soccer, the little darlings also particiate in karate, ballet, basketball, hockey, etc. They are never disciplined because soccer mom fervently believes they are perfect in all ways.
She's married to Mr. Corporate America. He's usually burnt out because he's forced to work 60+ hours every week in order to pay the sky-high mortgage, two car payments, private school tuitions, fees for the kids' activities, and the bills for Soccer Mom's profligate spending. He therefore needs to blow off steam by either screwing random secretary sluts or by spending his lunch hours at the local titty bar. Soccer mom either doesn't know this or doesn't want to.
Soccer Mom has no life outside her children and their activities. During the day when the kids are in school, she can be found trolling the local shopping mall and maxing out hubby's credit card buying stuff she doesn't need at the Bombay Company. She also is forced into the mall during the day as a way of killing time until the Merry Maids are finished cleaning the house.
Soccer Mom's musical preferences are Celine Dion and Faith Hill. She can't blast a Celine Dion CD in someone's presence without launching into her nauseating story of how she and hubby danced their wedding dance to "My Heart Will Go On," and how perfectly the song epitomizes her feelings for him. Sigh.
Soccer Mom sees any woman who's reasonably attractive and within 10 lbs. of her ideal body weight as a threat and a slut with the potential to seduce hubby. As if any woman would want his flabby ass!
Soccer Mom also has a rabid tendency to keep up with the Joneses.
All things considered, someone to avoid.
"Look out for the runaway minivan driven by the soccer mom!"
"The parking lot was crammed with soccer moms dropping their kids off to practice."
495👍 61👎
The tendency to speak with an accent while commenting or cheering during a soccer game. This accent usually resembles a British one, but it is usually not intentional.
Joe: (in soccer accent) What a goal!
Tim: Why are you talking with a British accent?
Joe: Sorry, that was my soccer accent. I was carried away with the game.
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Usually rich or upper middle class white women. Married to husbands that have no role in raising their children and leave that to them. They tend to drive mini vans or large SUVS. They have no other role then to drive kids to private school, soccer practice, violen lessons, drama class, yoga for kids, summer camp and the mall. They can be easily spoted with the "my kid is honor student" bumper sticker and four kids jumping around. Mother is always on the cell phone and in the process cuts people off.
They are loud and annoying at games because they think they know more than the coach.
Soccer Mom - Why isn't my little Kevin playing?
Coach - Because your kid sucks at soccer
Soccer Mom - Kevin is going to be the next David Beckham, you just watch.
Coach - Whatever bitch, step off of the field.
293👍 36👎
The act of kneeling down with one leg out and planted in the ground (in proposal like stance) and pissing discreetly. Appearing as if you are posing for a picture with your soccer buddies, yet pissing.
Girlfriend: My boyfriend is a thinker, see him posing over there just like the sculpture.
Guy buddy: He's actually taking a soccer piss. Look it up.
1) The art of using one's feet only when inside a public restroom.
2) To avoid germs in the bathroom, a strict no hands policy of flushing the toilet with a karate kick or hooking the top of one's shoe under a stall door to open it.
3) The World Cup of Crap.
He was very skilled at his restroom soccer, an accomplished Pelé on his home field of Brazil, but not on a field and not in Brazil. In an Exxon Mobil shitter.
A middle-aged, overprotective woman, usually the mother of two children with names like Britney, Brandon, Caitlyn, Austin, etc. She is usually blonde (often bleached) and has average to above average looks (the latter usually being also a "trophy wife").
She lives in the suburbs, doesn't work (may become an obnoxious realtor after the kids go off to college), and spends an inordinate amount of time at her kids' schools, usually to the chagrin of the teachers and/or administrators.
She is the reason, and the ONLY reason, why Kids Bop has a market because she wouldn't dare let her precious children listen to the actual versions of Top 40 radio.
She drives a gas guzzeling SUV embossed with soccer decals on the rear window. If her husband is particularly successful (usually an overpaid attorney), she drives the higher end version of said SUV (such as the GMC Denali or a Lexus RX 330) so as to show all the more middle income SMs that she is just a bit better than they are.
The soccer mom popped Kids Bop 6 into her cd player to entertain her daughter, Britney, while driving her to gymnastics. After dropping Britney off, she sped to her nail appointment. Her husband, Jeff, later met her at the Country Club after he finished playing a round of golf with his buddies from the firm.
Meanwhile their son, Brandon, who had been busy applying to several colleges, was taking a break by fucking his girlfriend in his parent's hot tub.
384👍 50👎