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"only kiss you dont forget and your not drunk when you do it
when you put the smack down on a pretty lady and your dick is harder than when you saw your friends mom naked"
is it wrong that my first kiss was erection-free? i suppose i was only 5, so it's ok... ha ha
Girl: eww, you have cooties *wipes off her lips and spits*
48👍 34👎
If orchestra were Mean Girls, the first violinists would be the Plastics.
First violinist: On Wednesdays we wear pink.
Cellist: Nice bow. What's it made out of?
First violinist: YOUR MOM'S CHEST HAIR!
Conductor: Why are you playing so quietly?
First violinist: I'm a mouse, duh.
Flautist: What's up with the bassist? I feel like she's hiding something.
First violinist: That's why her instrument is so big. It's full of secrets.
Oboist: What do you have against the concertmaster?
Bassoonist: She's a life ruiner. She ruins people's lives.
Concertmaster: I can't play Pachelbel. I'm on an all-Romantic repertoire. God, Karen, you are so stupid!
First violinist: If you're from the viola section, why are you good?
Concertmaster: Oh my god Karen, you can't just ask people why they're good.
First violinist: She doesn't even go here!
Conductor: Do you play in this orchestra?
Soprano: No, I just have a lot of feelings.
Clarinetist: Made out with my instrument? Omg that was one time!
6👍 2👎
Hey I'm closer to her than u that's my first cousin
6👍 3👎
A reminder to engage in safe sex. Usually used when the people in question aren't actually planning on having sex, but the speaker is implying that they will be having sex.
Person A is leaving the party with person B, a platonic friend.
Person C: Safety first!
6👍 2👎
The Friday of the month after welfare checks arrive (1st of the month) The bretheren (errr... lower class) congregate to their favorite dining or Urban niteclub spot to be flossin' $$$$. The rest of the month, it's back to living in their cardboard box homes, eating pork/beans and complaining that society isn't fair to them. Truly Ghetto Fabulous behavior!!!
Are you going out to First Friday over at the club this weekend? The Cristal will flowing in the VIP.
33👍 23👎
a person you fall for so deeply and you can’t stop thinking of! all the memories you made and all the times they made you happy is all you think about. no matter how hard you try you can’t get over them you can’t because,your first and forever love! you are just so drawn to them and everything they do, even if they hurt you you’ll continue to see the best side of them. falling in love your first time won’t even come close to what will become because you never felt love until that happens and you fall so deep that makes it so hard to fall that hard again. and you’ll forever think and be in love with them!
person one: i am still in love with him
person two: it is because it’s you first love, and forever love!
9👍 4👎
January first is a special day to be born. This day isn't only new years but if you were born on this day you are perfect. January first is Perfectionist Day! Stay calm, and be perfect💕🤞🏻
"Today is January first, i need to be perfect today" ~He said.