i have no idea whats going on right now

the most common thing a real stoner can say.

dood, i have no idea whats going on right now, its totally awsome

152👍 47👎

I have to take my brother to baseball practice.

Very commonly used and inconspicuous excuse for getting out of pretty much anything. One can replace the word 'brother' with any relative that would make sense. Possible substitutes include but are not limited to:
Sister, Cousin, Nephew, Niece, etc.

(Guy 1) Hey Guy 2, wanna hang out?
(Guy 2) One sec... Nah, I have to take my brother to baseball practice.

(Guy 1) Hey Guy 2, wanna see a movie with some friends?
(Guy 2) Can't tonight, I have to take my brother to baseball practice.

(Guy 1) Hey Guy 2, wanna play some football today?
(Guy 2) Sorry man, I can't play today. I have to take my brother to baseball practice.

11👍 3👎

I have no idea what you're talking about

The most self-incriminating thing a suspect can say to a law enforcement official.

A suspect who has a substantial amount of evidence linking him/her to a crime will act completely oblivious to the matter.

Saying such a phrase will destroy a suspect's credibility since he/she is being non-cooperative and is obviously lying.

Officer: We've got your DNA on the dead body, your fingerprints are all over the murder weapon, and we have three credible eye-witnesses saying they saw you pull the trigger!

Suspect: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Officer: Thanks, that's all I needed to hear.

29👍 10👎

Hey, I have a note from my doctor

Said when someone insults you

Person A: You're ugly

Person B: Hey, I have a note from my doctor

7👍 1👎

Everything I have ever solidified for Burning Ember

To solidify all the logic ever implemented for Burning Ember, the existence and reality, including Inside jokes, 0 Number machines, and all conversations of evil and things of the nature which took place before reality existed.

"Hello, I would like to solidify Everything I have ever solidified for Burning Ember, all the logic"
GOD: "Okay, done."

I have an idea now he can’t breath

A quote said from the 2nd child himself Tubbo

Go to the pool with your friend and say I have an idea now he can’t breathe while drowning them

You fool, I have 70 alternative accounts

When you're so lonely that you make friends to troll with you.

Shadow: Go ahead, I have 50 alternate accounts
Also Shadow: My fingers right on top of the delete button Eggman
Shadow: What are you going to do to stop me with your long toothpick legs.
Eggman: Hehehehehe haha
Eggman: You fool, I have 70 alternative accounts