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Bible Thumper

A person (to hereto be referred to as X) who is angered such by the mere existence of people who don't believe they will exist in X's imaginary place when they cease to exist for not believing in X's imaginary friend, that X will, on encountering non-X, desperately make sure to communicate X's belief that all non-X will come to exist in X's imaginary place when they cease to exist for not believing in X's imaginary friend while X will come to exist in X's 2nd imaginary place when X ceases to exist as a consequence of believing in X's imaginary friend. But this is only the beginning of the paradoxes, as despite being angered by the mere existence of non-X, believes that most non-X represents the vast majority of the human race and will therefore exist in the first imaginary place when they cease to exist while only they and their friends will exist in the second imaginary place when they and their friends don't exist. Also paradoxically, X firmly believes in the critical importance of 10 arbitrary rules of conduct, even though they make absolutely no difference according to X's own beliefs as to which imaginary place an individual is comes to exist in when that individual ceases to exist. More paradoxes include the condoning of the crusades despite these 10 rules of conduct, the belief that not only the first religion that theirs grew out of but the third one that appended onto their own are both inherently evil while theirs is good, the belief that the guidebook containing these 10 rules of conduct and much other paradoxical material contains no paradoxes or self-contradictions whatsoever despite the ease of finding references that clearly point out numerous such self-contradictions, that every scientific theory of the last 500 years, except POSSIBLY excluding the theory of gravity, IS completely self-inconsistent, and yet that science somehow exists for the purpose of glorifying X's imaginary friend, and often appeal to the superficial knowledge of the parts of this science that doesn't flagrantly contradict with their beliefs in their attempts to deride the rest of this science which they denounce entirely.

How to deal with Bible-Thumpers:
Method 1: Tell him you don't agree with him. Then follow it up with explaining why everything he believes in is all a crock of nonsense invented by a cult of bronze-age savages if you're harsh, debunk his claims, one by one if intermediate and if you're gentle, just try to persuade him that nothing he can say can convince you to believe what he does:
A few weeks ago a bible thumper came to my door and said that fish fossils were found at the tops of mountains and that it proves that there was a great flood. I told him that is the result of continental drift and that they are hundreds of millions of years old and not only don't prove there was a worldwide flood thousands of years ago but prove that the world is at least 100 thousand times as old as he says. He then said that they dated to only a few thousand years ago. I in turn told him that if he tries to use radioisotope dating to convince me that the universe is 6000 years old, that he has lost the argument before he even began it.
Pros: you'll feel superior
Cons: You're going to end up arguing for a really long time

Method 2: Nod your head and agree with him
Have you accepted Jesus as your savior?
Say "uh huh" and nod your head.

Pros: potentially get rid of him fast.
Cons: Somewhat humiliating. Can backfire especially if he then asks followup questions and tries to get you to join his bible study group.

Method 3: Put a door knocker on your door that looks like male genitalia.

Pros: Bible thumpers may decline to knock on your door in the first place.
Cons: Your neighbors and the mailman may suspect you of being a child molester. Except that neighbor up the hill who drives the Prius with rainbows painted all over it. He'll probably ask you on a date.

by thesandor July 25, 2009

25๐Ÿ‘ 14๐Ÿ‘Ž


retro bible

the term for someone who shops at blue rinse, trying to pull off the "indie" genre but look like a total wanker, also has mank hair ( Y ).

"niice ..."

wow nice tattoo man
"retro bible"
printed across all fingers

by BIG LOZ January 22, 2008

5๐Ÿ‘ 1๐Ÿ‘Ž


bible black

Origion: Bibles usually had a black leather or paper cover. Since books were expensive a leather cover offered long term use and durability. Printing on the cover was usually in gold lettering.

More Archaic Definition: Bible black originally meant to quote Holy Scripture in such a way as to legitimize cruelty or other evils. The intent is always destructive, with the prideful desire to maintain the appearance of piety and propriety.

Usually, the Scripture has to be taken out of context to meet its dark goal so it will be parsed as a lawyer would to make the true point.

Example 1: Yes, well of course I hate you, "And I will hate you with a perfect hatred".

Ignoring John, "Whoever hates his brother does not remain in the light". Or Jesus, "Whoever hates his brother in his heart commits murder". Or Moses, "You will not hate your brother in your heart".

Example 2: "I've had enough of you and your Bible Black"

by Rev. Fr. Stan Smith December 7, 2005

172๐Ÿ‘ 125๐Ÿ‘Ž


read the bible

A term used to disguise the act of smoking pot.

"Hey Jimmy, wanna come over and read the bible?"

"Ok, sounds good, i'll bring my lighter"

by Kentt July 30, 2007

15๐Ÿ‘ 8๐Ÿ‘Ž


bible blunt

When Bible pages are used to Roll a Blunt. Generally a Gideons Bible works best.

Last night we went to a hotel and rolled some "sweet" bible blunts.

by kenny Winters November 15, 2007

39๐Ÿ‘ 24๐Ÿ‘Ž


bible basher

some one who has an obsession for the bible.

also wanting to relese their fluid into the holy book,

jonny: this is some good bible bashing!!
ryan: hellz yer,you bible basher!
jonny:wag1
ryan:poonanny man!

by wag1rudeboi August 8, 2009

66๐Ÿ‘ 44๐Ÿ‘Ž


bible camp

The best place to go for a week in summer. Seriously. Regardless of whether you actually believe in god.
1.You can meet druggies. And satanists. And you can get drunk, and hook up with some other non-religious people.
2....or you can learn to accept christ as your savior.

Take your pick. Either way, bible camp is great.

Joe: So how was bible camp?"
Sue: "I learned how good god is!"
Mary: "I lost my virginity!"

by Vampire Ghost October 8, 2006

89๐Ÿ‘ 63๐Ÿ‘Ž