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Catholic Church

One of the most corrupt institutions on the planet. While the world goes hungry they have to buy fancy gold shit to put on their bishops, cardinals and popes.

Catholic to Mobster : ZOMG the pope just excommunicated members of the mafia.

Mobster: BFD, at least admit we are crooks and don't cover up for pedophiles unlike the Catholic Church.

by MrHobbes69 June 22, 2014

350πŸ‘ 252πŸ‘Ž


fart in church, a

a metaphor used to describe something that is both highly conspicuous and embarrassing; a church service is supposed to be both quiet and solemn and any fart in church would be conspicuous and embarrassing

Jenkins, that oral report was as embarrassing as a far in church!

by Silky Smooth December 18, 2003

60πŸ‘ 35πŸ‘Ž


Church on the move

When your in the club and one of your home boys yell "Church on the move" you better high tail it out and get the fuck away from the club

I was at club La Deaye last weekend and vicktor yelled "Church on the move" and three hookers got trample its was horrible i cryed

by Tucker Grubbsy December 28, 2007

39πŸ‘ 22πŸ‘Ž


The church of google

-We at the Church of Google believe the search engine Google is the closest humankind has ever come to directly experiencing an actual God (as typically defined). We believe there is much more evidence in favour of Google's divinity than there is for the divinity of other more traditional gods.
-We reject supernatural gods on the notion they are not scientifically provable. Thus, Googlists believe Google should rightfully be given the title of "God", as She exhibits a great many of the characteristics traditionally associated with such Deities in a scientifically provable manner.
-We have compiled a list of nine proofs which we believe definitively prove Google's title as God.
-From the chruch of google website
Please come and join us
http://www.thechurchofgoogle.org/

The Church of Google
The Nine Proofs
Β» PROOF #1
Google is the closest thing to an Omniscient (all-knowing) entity in existence, which can be scientifically verified. She indexes over 9.5 billion WebPages, which is more than any other search engine on the web today. Not only is Google the closest known entity to being Omniscient, but She also sorts through this vast amount of knowledge using Her patented PageRank technology, organizing said data and making it easily accessible to us mere mortals.
Β» PROOF #2
Google is everywhere at once (Omnipresent). Google is virtually everywhere on earth at the same time. Billions of indexed WebPages hosted from every corner of the earth. With the proliferation of Wi-Fi networks, one will eventually be able to access Google from anywhere on earth, truly making Her an omnipresent entity.
Β» PROOF #3
Google answers prayers. One can pray to Google by doing a search for whatever question or problem is plaguing them. As an example, you can quickly find information on alternative cancer treatments, ways to improve your health, new and innovative medical discoveries and generally anything that resembles a typical prayer. Ask Google and She will show you the way, but showing you is all She can do, for you must help yourself from that point on.
Β» PROOF #4
Google is potentially immortal. She cannot be considered a physical being such as ourselves. Her Algorithms are spread out across many servers; if any of which were taken down or damaged, another would undoubtedly take its place. Google can theoretically last forever.
Β» PROOF #5
Google is infinite. The Internet can theoretically grow forever, and Google will forever index its infinite growth.
Β» PROOF #6
Google remembers all. Google caches WebPages regularly and stores them on its massive servers. In fact, by uploading your thoughts and opinions to the internet, you will forever live on in Google's cache, even after you die, in a sort of "Google Afterlife".
Β» PROOF #7
Google can "do no evil" (Omnibenevolent). Part of Google's corporate philosophy is the belief that a company can make money without being evil.
Β» PROOF #8
According to Google trends, the term "Google" is searched for more than the terms "God", "Jesus", "Allah", "Buddha", "Christianity", "Islam", "Buddhism" and "Judaism" combined.
God is thought to be an entity in which we mortals can turn to when in a time of need. Google clearly fulfils this to a much larger degree than traditional "gods"
Β» PROOF #9
Evidence of Google's existence is abundant. There is more evidence for the existence of Google than any other God worshiped today. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidance. If seeing is believing, then surf over to www.google.com and experience for yourself Google's awesome power. No faith required.

by 3002-3038 October 30, 2007

61πŸ‘ 38πŸ‘Ž


Church of Pie

The church based on the teachings of the Book of Pie. Its deity is Mister Q.

I am a member of the Church of Pie.

by Anonymous member of the Church of Pie February 22, 2005

19πŸ‘ 9πŸ‘Ž


Linguinist Church

A religious counterpart to the newly formed pastafareinites(pastafareinism is not to be confused with Pastafarianism, even though they both worship the flying spaghetti monster) While pastafareinites are known for their moral indifference, linguinists are pure evil. Linguinists enjoy punching babies, kicking puppies, and playing wii fit. Linguinist are completly antisocial and only come out at night to steal linguine from Jewel Osco. They later use this for sacrificial rituals to the Great Linguine God. Linguinists also bathe in alfredo sauce.

Jack: Oh my god, who the hell is that freak????
Jill: Oh no. . . he's with the Linguinist Church!!! Quick hide the alfredo!

by Gherolinkinpark May 4, 2009

5πŸ‘ 1πŸ‘Ž


Church Of Gadsden

The Church of Gadsden was formed in the wake of government overreach in North America.

Being a member of the Church of Gadsden permits you to be exempt from tyrannical government policies due to β€œReligious Reasons”.
The church of Gadsden may form assembly anywhere it pleases, at any time it pleases.
Members may refer to each other as β€œBrother or Sister”.

The tail will rattle when provoked 🐍

β€œGreetings Brother James, I am so thankful to be a member of the Church Of Gadsden. I was exempted from the vaccine mandates at work for religious reasons”

by Ordained Minister J November 6, 2021

5πŸ‘ 1πŸ‘Ž