Jesus Handshake

A Jesus handshake is when someone spits on a cock then sucks it passionately while jacking it off and rubbing the balls. Once the man cums, they smear the cum all over the hands and rub it in their face then rub the cock on their eyes.

Person 1: Yo this person maya is a hot chick
Person 2: Yeah she gave me a good ol’ Jesus handshake!

jesus fucking christ

when ur actually severely injured and.......

Rob: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST MY FUCKING ARM IS FUCKING CUT OPEN LIKE A PUSSY GOD HELP THE FUCKING PAIN FGFHTDGHFHGDHDFSGRSGHFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKK *inhales* AHAGAGAHGAGAHYHAHAAAAGAGAGGGAGAAAAAAÀÆAAAAAA *lungs start to collapse* HAGHAGHAGAHHGAGAGEEEAAAAAAAAA WHYYYYYUUUUUU AUGEGHGHGHGHGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *right lung is collapsed* LORD PLEASE SEND ME TO HEAVEN BEFORE I DIE I'M SORRY FOR BEING HORNY, WATCHING HENTAI, AND JERKING OFF, AGAHAGAFGFFGAAAAAAAAAA *fucking dies*

obama jesus

God like form of grand Master obama

"Obama Jesus will strike you down"

Southern Jesus tug

When someone (usually from a southern state) is to poor to afford an abortion, so they take a cross and brutally beat the woman’s stomach in the name of the lord until nothing but gork comes out.

Me and sally couldn’t get our baby aborted by professionals, so we had billy do a southern Jesus tug.

un-jesus

Something reprehensible or extraordinarily wrong.

Stealing money from a children's charity is un-jesus.

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jesus christ its

stands for Jesus Christ Insert Testicals in Sex sike naw.

Jesus Christ its

Jesus Card

When I say I pulled out the Jesus card: I have just done something almost impossible or something shouldn't have happened. (Got lucky as hell)

I just pulled out a Jesus card.