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The realest mf. HE OWNS THE STREETS YA HEARD. PREACH FOR THIS GUY CUZ HE A PIMP AMEN.
Jesus Canastuj be balling wit money
Waking up to active morning sex to find someone you would not have chosen to have sex with had you been sober.
After a long night at the club, I woke to morning sex, saw them and said “Surprise? Jesus!”
Very cool kid known as "chill guy" or "depression god"
Long-hair guy, no-smoke and Shephard lover and not sure about that
Loves life and no smoke for sureee
When they ask me: "Watchuuu doinggg?" I answer: " VINTAGE and I'm good"
Girl 1: Have you seen the new student Polish Jesus, he looks quite focus on studies and minimalistic
Girl 2: Are you sureeeee&watchuu doinggg???
Girl 3: Shephard likes this Polish Jesus for sureeee.
Something you yell out when your team is losing or you have to pay a expensive bill.
John- Mother of Jesus Christ i can't believe the Patriots are losing to the Raiders
Me- I guess the patriots just suck
Currently in Tulum. Dressed in robes, preaching peace with mystical medallions strung around, wears huaraches and wears a mystical hat of wizardry. Fine maidens are drawn, riding a chariot scooter of high value. His presence is sufficient, the few words spoken are of great value. Many skins are worn to effectively converse with the people.
“Behold brethren! Tulum Jesus is among us! We must draw near to hear interesting stories from all the lands!”
A Jesus handshake is when someone spits on a cock then sucks it passionately while jacking it off and rubbing the balls. Once the man cums, they smear the cum all over the hands and rub it in their face then rub the cock on their eyes.
Person 1: Yo this person maya is a hot chick
Person 2: Yeah she gave me a good ol’ Jesus handshake!
Toenitheu Jesus( toe-nith-u-penis) is a alpha wolf man who has a alter ego, AKA Tony. He uses this alter ego to hide the fact that he is a hot sexy beast who gives toe jobs toe random squirrels on the sidewalk. although at first glance he may seem like a mega boner doner hottie who pulls all the elderly men, he does have a secret soft spot. His weakness is right between his big juicy ass cheeks. Tonypoo loves his “Daddychipmunk” who basically is this mega sextron squirrel who carries all around his acorns and nuts and such and sticks them in peoples butthole. Toenitheu is a big fan of this ritual. Tony chooses solely to wear spandex to everywhere he goes to put his 282728293837372992283737282737363 kilometer slong on display because he’s a little whore with a degrading kink. heard he wore fortnite spandex with his blazer at his baptism and the pastor got a boner. All in all Tony is a soft core hottie guy and all the other guys hate him and wanna be him cuz they’re jealous.
“yo did you see that video of Toenitheu Jesus that super hot sexy man sucking some squirrels nuts?”
“yeah he’s such a sexy reckless baddie… i heard he even had to go to ER for rabies or something cuz his sexy ass went total beast mode.”