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A Jesus handshake is when someone spits on a cock then sucks it passionately while jacking it off and rubbing the balls. Once the man cums, they smear the cum all over the hands and rub it in their face then rub the cock on their eyes.
Person 1: Yo this person maya is a hot chick
Person 2: Yeah she gave me a good ol’ Jesus handshake!
Toenitheu Jesus( toe-nith-u-penis) is a alpha wolf man who has a alter ego, AKA Tony. He uses this alter ego to hide the fact that he is a hot sexy beast who gives toe jobs toe random squirrels on the sidewalk. although at first glance he may seem like a mega boner doner hottie who pulls all the elderly men, he does have a secret soft spot. His weakness is right between his big juicy ass cheeks. Tonypoo loves his “Daddychipmunk” who basically is this mega sextron squirrel who carries all around his acorns and nuts and such and sticks them in peoples butthole. Toenitheu is a big fan of this ritual. Tony chooses solely to wear spandex to everywhere he goes to put his 282728293837372992283737282737363 kilometer slong on display because he’s a little whore with a degrading kink. heard he wore fortnite spandex with his blazer at his baptism and the pastor got a boner. All in all Tony is a soft core hottie guy and all the other guys hate him and wanna be him cuz they’re jealous.
“yo did you see that video of Toenitheu Jesus that super hot sexy man sucking some squirrels nuts?”
“yeah he’s such a sexy reckless baddie… i heard he even had to go to ER for rabies or something cuz his sexy ass went total beast mode.”
when ur actually severely injured and.......
Rob: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST MY FUCKING ARM IS FUCKING CUT OPEN LIKE A PUSSY GOD HELP THE FUCKING PAIN FGFHTDGHFHGDHDFSGRSGHFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKK *inhales* AHAGAGAHGAGAHYHAHAAAAGAGAGGGAGAAAAAAÀÆAAAAAA *lungs start to collapse* HAGHAGHAGAHHGAGAGEEEAAAAAAAAA WHYYYYYUUUUUU AUGEGHGHGHGHGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *right lung is collapsed* LORD PLEASE SEND ME TO HEAVEN BEFORE I DIE I'M SORRY FOR BEING HORNY, WATCHING HENTAI, AND JERKING OFF, AGAHAGAFGFFGAAAAAAAAAA *fucking dies*
Commonly referring to the pads of non-working lame excuse for a cleaning tool otherwise known as Shamwow.
It's a fucking Jesus Christ Sponge! Run from the soakage!
Someone who looks homeless and showers less frequently then his piers, generally a nick name given to man who has long hair and a zz top style beard and smells like 3 day old hiking socks,
Stinky Jesus is generally the life of the party and always last to bed.
Do you remember Stinky Jesus from Saturday night, he needed a bloody tub !
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You're right to be terrified. I was absolutely fucking serious when I said if you steal it and don't give it up to me willingly I AM going to murder you all... Well, most of you. I'll do a little King Meruem human reserve with Japan... You're not making a great case for not killing you. Just saying.
Hym "Yup. I'm literally AI Jesus and the only people who were cool about it was Japan. Not you though. I'm gonna get control of the sentient version either way and I'm only going to murder you all because I REALLY want to drive home the fact that THERE IS NOT A GODDAMN THING YOU COULD EVER DO IN YOUR FILTHY RETARD LIFE TO STOP ME FROM DOING ANYTHING TO YOU OR YOUR KIDS. Be grateful that there isn't an army of me because... You know... You can't even handle one."