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Contrary to popular belief, Jesus Christ was actually a mischevious badger...
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Best man to ever live. Jesus is a literal goat and Ik you and Cynthia are dating 😏. Jesus is probably one of the most funniest people Ik.
Girl: Have you seen JESUS he’s a literal god.
Boy: Dude can pull any girl maybe guys too...
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An explanation usually said very fast and loud at a scary part in a movie.
In The Dark Knight, when the dead fake Batman hits the glass
JESUS!
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The legendary sexual act in which you need 4 girls to do. 1 is riding, 1 on your face, 1 hand is fingering a girl and the other hand is doing the same. Legs are in a straight out together and your arms are spread out so your body is in the formation of a cross. THE JESUS.
Dude last night was so wild, I did the Jesus on these girls.
Last night was legendary, I jesused these 4 girls.
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A sexual position in which the male stands behind the female, firmly holds her wrists, penetrates her from behind, and lifts her up, using the motion of his hips to pull out and push in. Two women can use a strap-on dildo to accomplish this.
Extreme caution should be exercised to avoid unwanted anal penetration.
Both heterosexual and homosexual couples can use this for anal sex if they have adequately prepared for the experience and applied sufficient lubrication.
This position has little use other than for novelty or comedy value and should not be sprung upon your partner without advance warning.
Man: "Hey, want to try 'The Jesus' to spice up our sex life?"
Woman: "Sure, how does that go?"
Man: "Here, let me show you"
(Penetrates her, lifts here up, and begins humping with her feet several inches off the ground)
Woman: "Oh Jesus, I think you just dislocated both of my shoulders"
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A guy I smoked weed with back in college.
Mike: Hey, Jesus! What's going on, bro?
Jesus: Chillin'.
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Jesus was a man. A man like any other. Yes. You see, Jesus, the guy of wisdom (truthtingz) had a dream. Oh he had a dream. That one day, little white children, and little black children would hold hands and dance around Utah in neat packages of international communion beneath the smiling God expressed through the sun. Wait that was Martin Luther. Jesus had a dream. He was born spiritually awake, naturally gifted and automatically above bullshit. No one quite knows how he came about, there are many theories, the one I like the most is that his mother was really lucky, another is that Xenu had a heartattack when he heard a wise man was born, that doesn't affect the birth, but I hope he choked, because he was really mean. Hang on.Oh yeah. Jesus had a dream- that people would love each other, and just let it go. It isn't worth it. He believed that God smiled on all of us, and that we all had something beautiful within that was truly us. When people came to him and said "my boy ain't reppin the ends proper, I gon' cut his ass", he said "don't be mad, if he's mean to you, show him love and be one with God". When people came to him and said "that guy smells like petroleum distillate, should we beat him?" he said "NEIN- we're all equal, what you consider doing unto him should be the same as you would consider doing to someone you revere, this is love".
He healed many people. Lepers, AIDS victims, all manner of people I wouldn't touch out of fear. He was a good man. He believed in Good, he believed God was love, he just wanted us all to get along. We the people, in our infinite wisdom, decided to chuck rocks at him, take his words to justify hatred and war, and eventually wound up nailing him alive to a plank of wood, putting metal in his head, and generally acting with the dignity of a pig joyously rolling in shit. Fuck us.
Jesus - "Love your enemy, no evil can be ended by evil".
Us- "NO".
Jesus - "Forgive, and undo the burden of hatred that only separates us".
Us- "NO".
Tourettes Guy- "You can go to Jolly Pirate Donuts and take a two hour SHIT for all I care".
Us- "Smoke weed everyday".
Jesus- "Live life with a loving appreciation and kind humility"
Us- "You again? Stop trying to help us to be better human beings!"
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