The Grandfather Clock

When a male of over 65 years old swings his cock back and forth over a young woman's face until he cums. Which is almost always 12:00.

Hey did you hear he gave her the Grandfather Clock?
What time was it when he came?
12

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Grandfather Feminist

A woman who got married, raised children and stayed home then suddenly around her mid-late 50's(after the feminist movement) decided she wanted to be independent of all responsibility and dress like a teenager and divorce her husband.

Mike: Hey what's wrong with your mom?
John: She's been watching 'Sex in the City'
Mike: She looks like a sausage in that spandex.
John: She's become a grandfather feminist.

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Grandfather Poops

The hot, uncontrollable poops you have the day after a long night of drinking.

That large consumption of Jack Daniels last night gave me the grandfather poops. It's hard for me to sit down after that one.

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Grandfather Clock

The Grandfather Clock, also referred to as 'the Grandfather's Cock, is an intricate sexual act in which two men of roughly the same height suspend a woman of smaller stature upside down by her her ankles, swinging her back and forth onto each others erections like an erotic pendulum; the flesh hand of the world famous Grandfather Clock. With each 'swing of the clock', the woman of interest is penetrated from both the front and behind (commonly mistaken for a war on two fronts), alternating holes with each pleasurable sway. The partners in crime swinging the woman to and fro are each assigned a specific hole for their genitals to call home, depending on the directions of their erections, of course. The irony of this sexual act is that the participants will be so invested in reaching such a chronological level of ecstasy that their perception of time will fleet, and when they've finally finished, they'll realize that what felt like minutes of sensual fun was actually hours of tireless thrusting. The grandfather clock can make the best of the times out of the worst of times, but if executed improperly, it can make the best of times into an embarrassing trip to the emergency room (take it from me; I didn't know the penis could sprain until I fell victim to the grandfather clock's sensual wrath). While the clean up may be a disaster, it will have been well worth it afterwards; the benefits will come the second you do.

Dillan was thrilled upon discovering that his grandparents had a grand father clock, a fun loving crime of passion, in their living room. His excitement faded when he found out that there were no actual clocks in the room, and his grandparents were frantically undressing behind him. Dillan soon discovered the true meaning of a grandfather clock as the second hand struck midnight.

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grandfather hair

A man’s longest pubic hair, the one that started to grow in first. For girls, this would be their grandmother hair.

Traditionally cut off and eaten in a last meal in specific First Nations culture, in soup or stew to celebrate the growth and life of the individual. In First Nations culture they call it Igrabaara (longevity follicle).

Example 1

Girl: Let’s get freaky tonight, babe!
Boy: Then you’ve gotta bite off my grandfather hair!
Girl: Yes, daddy! I’ll do anything you say!

Example 2

Our grandpa, Ikiiolio, is celebrating his final hours tonight, and is having his Igrabaara stew for dinner, as part of tradition.

The Grandfather Paradox

The best Catch-22 of them all: What if your grandfather was a truly horrific person and you were forced to go back in time and kill him before he could do those bad things. But, if you succeed and your grandmother hasn’t been impregnated with your dad or mum yet, you would not be born, and if you weren’t born, nobody killed your grandfather and well… you know where this is going.

Person 1: “Yo, what’s your favourite paradox?”
Person 2: “It’s The Grandfather Paradox. Such a fascin-.”
Person 1: “Fuck off, it’s so overrated.”

grandfather paradox

The grandfather paradox is a paradox of time travel in which inconsistencies emerge through changing the past.

Everyone: What is Grandfather Paradox?

Me: Something like you go back in time and kill your grandfather so that you won’t exist in time.