Free spaffing

to ejaculate without a designated or suitable semen receptacle.

example, I was going to cum in a sock, there was no sock I was forced to engage in free spaffing everywhere

future, I am going to free spaff everywhere.

present, I am currently free spaffing everywhere

past, I may have free spaffed everywhere

spaf a cat

another term used for fuck a duck

oh, why don't you just go and spaf a cat

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Spaf catcher

A derogatory term for either a well used vagina or the open mouth of a drunk lady, which you can use to catch your volitile ejaculate.

'yo dude look at that drunk bitch, she is well up for being a spaf catcher.' or 'Hey George, let us venture to Amsterdam and procure ourselves a filthy spaf catcher.'

Spaf torch

A torch emitting ultra violet (UV) or "black light". Allows the user to see things not necessarily visible to the naked eye.

Is James still checking the bunkhouse out using the spaf torch?

happy spaffing

much like it's 'happy slapping' brother. similar method but with a rather different act of shame. instead of brandishing the victim with a slap across the face, in this instance one aims to ejaculate on the victims facial area.

'dude, i happy spaffed this woman on the train - she totally didn't see it cumming. LITERALLY > muhahaha!'

'we did some grade A happy spaffing today at the bus stop'

*NB - This is a totally indecent act and should never be attemped by anyone ever. in the unfortunate circumstance that it happens by accident... then feel free to circulate the vids wont you.

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As spaffed as a puffin

Very dead; as dead as a dodo

The old sea captain was as spaffed as a puffin

SPAFFED

To Goo, Goop, Slime or Coat Something In A Liquid Of Medium Viscosity

"FFS Chuck, You Have Spaffed All Over Me"