Occam's Hairy Dildo

A rule that, like Occam's Razor, requires you to favor the simplest explanations over the complex ones, but with the addition of also favoring the sexiest explanations over the mundane ones. An explanation of a thing is using Occam's Hairy Dildo if and only if simplification and sexualization are paired together into a beautiful, explanatory nutsack.

Student: Hey professor, can you please explain that notion using Occam's Hairy Dildo, because it's a little hard for me to grasp without visual aides.

Professor: Hell yea! I got you, fam.

Occam's Frazier

When you explain a simple concept using a bunch of fancy words so you can appear smart.

I hate bar trivia with Bob. Bob always goes full Occam's Frazier, and he's still wrong!

Occam's YOLO

An instance where the simplest option is the one to YOLO on.

Hector: Wow Gilbert, the economy is fucked. Should I buy stock in GameStop, or should I invest in purchasing futures on rare earth metals?
Gilbert: What the fuck are futures, Hector? Occam's YOLO your life savings into purchasing GameStop shares - it's the simplest option.