Bubbing a Schmear

Using your underwear to clean yourself up after sharting

Why were you behind that dumpster?

Oh I was Bubbing a Schmear after botching a routine fart.

or

I had to Bub a Schmear after sneezing in a hot car.

Schmear

Mixing your feces with semen and smearing it about

I love to Schmear

pap schmeared

Achieving a level of drunkenness that results in a pregnancy.

Lacey: Are we getting schwasted tonight?

Todd: No. We're getting pap schmeared.

kittie schmear

Any drippy, chalky, paisty, gooey, or sticky reminants of a young slut's existance that happens to get rubbed, smeared, excreited, or spit onto your person or belongings by way of interaction with said slut; voluntary or involuntary.

Guy #1: Dude, what's that mark down the side of your jacket? It looks like makeup.
Guy #2: Yeah, it's kittie schmear from my date last night.